Date:Sun Aug 15 15:14:23 PDT 2004
Location: home
Music:
QOTD:
Mood: drugged
Catching up on the past month...
First, the news:
1.) Calif. Court Annuls San Francisco Gay Marriages.
See also THE BATTLE OVER SAME-SEX MARRIAGE Grateful couples gather at S.F.'s 'Chapel of Love'.
To note: (thanks, borggrrl) In voiding 3,955 same-sex marriages in San Francisco on Thursday, the
California Supreme Court also ordered the city to refund the couples any
administrative fees associated with their marriages. This outlines the
city's plan for carrying out that order:
-- Same-sex couples who received marriage licenses in San Francisco will
be contacted by mail within the next few weeks and given instructions on
how to go about requesting refunds.
-- Refunds will be given for the issuing of the license, $82; the marriage
ceremony, $62; the cost of a certified copy of a marriage license, $13; and
the $5 fee for making an online appointment.
-- Minn Tao, a spokeswoman for the Assessor-Recorder's Office, said the
fees paid by same-sex couples were put in an escrow account in anticipation
of a court-ordered refund.
-- No one will be asked to return a marriage certificate, she said.
2.) NASA Identifies Foam Flaw That Killed Astronauts
A suitcase-sized chunk of foam from an area of the tank known
as the left bipod, one of three areas where struts secure the orbiter to
the fuel tank during liftoff, broke off 61 seconds into the flight on
Jan. 16 of last year. It gouged a large hole in Columbia's left wing.
The damage went undetected during the shuttle's 16-day mission, but caused
the nation's oldest spacecraft to break apart under the stress of
re-entering the Earth's atmosphere on Feb. 1, killing the astronauts.
...The fault apparently was not with the chemical makeup of the foam,
which insulates the tanks and prevents ice from forming on the outside
when 500,000 gallons of supercold liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen are
pumped aboard hours before liftoff.
Instead, Otte said NASA concluded after extensive testing that the
process of applying some sections of foam by hand with spray guns was
at fault.
Gaps, or voids, were often left, and tests done since the Columbia
accident have shown liquid hydrogen could seep into those voids.
After launch, the gas inside the voids starts to heat up and expand,
causing large pieces of insulation to pop off.
NASA said this happens on about 60 percent of its shuttle launches.
And now, on the home front....
Regarding the medical records fiasco, I called my old chiropractor up
and there was finally a ray of sunshine in all of this. He sent me a
release of records paper for me to sign and promised to send my x-rays
and everything to my doctor. He wished me well and expressed empathy
for my situation. I'd go back to see him again if I had the money to
do so.
Once my doctor has all the forwarded records, I am going to have to
pay out of pocket to see her for a full physical. Once the physical
stuff is noted in my chart, I can work from there. I can try to make
AAA pay for my health maintenance regarding my neck and shoulders,
my knees, and my head/brain issues.
AAA was supposed to pay a long time ago after the court settlement
after my auto accident in 1994. They bitched the entire time but
paid for my TMJ splint for a year. They harrassed and threatened to
stop paying, but they paid. And then things seemed to be all right
with me for awhile. For years, even.
Then around 1999, my knees started to go bad. My mental issues would
not go away; especially the strange babbling I did under stress
(glossolalia, which I still have to this day).
All I can do is try.
On the gender front, I'm still wavering back and forth as usual.
My hair is growing out and I've got a sort of hedgehog 'do going
on; spikey all over. I may continue to let it grow out this time
instead of freaking about it being 'in-between stage' again. The
last time I freaked, I went to the salon and they BUTCHERED it.
I was depressed for *weeks*.
I still wear all men's clothing but I still wear a bra cuz of my
immense jugs. I still glance at myself in the mirror and often
see a boy. I still lay flat on my back when nekkid and imagine
myself flat chested. I still dream of chest surgery.
However, I've been more girly in my relationship for the past
several months than I have been in years. It started at some
point this year and I just went with it after awhile. Of course,
my bf really digs this. He didn't know how to handle the stone
butch thing. But even still, that goes in waves, too.
The need to play with chix comes and goes lately too. It was a
very strong need just weeks ago, and now, it's like, "eh".
On the job front, I'm still unemployed. I've been doing a lot of
research to write a book about my paternal great-grandfather, who
was a copper miner during the copper boom years. He came over from
Poland, so I'm 3rd generation Polish-American on that side.
I also want to write a book about my other paternal
great-grandfather.
His family were all either sea-captains on the Atlantic or ship
captains and engineers on the Great Lakes. I'm 3rd generation
Canadian-American on that side.
My maternal great-grandparents are Appalachian - yet another
book I can write. My maternal grandpa helped build the Norris Dam
in Tennessee, and my maternal great-grandpa was a coal miner.
Hmmm, other loose ends...
My sunburn healed and I went back out to the pool last Monday.
I applied and reapplied and reapplied the damned sunblock and
GOT BURNED AGAIN.
It was a minor burn, but enough to be a tad irritating when I
put my sports bra on, and it healed up within days. The day
star clearly hates me.
My bf's ankle is STILL healing, but he can walk with a regular
pace now, and doesn't need the ace bandage.
I got paid from the EDD, and they scheduled me for an appointment
to see how my job search was going. I was terrified but it turned
out to be a general form letter thing and it was a group gathering
to advertise EDD services.
However, at the very end, they clued us in to the fact that although
we get a claim for 1 year, we only get payment benefits for 6 months.
I came home and double-checked my award letter, and sho 'nuff, whoop
there it is, I get my ass cut off end of November or early December.
So I need to get crackin on finding another way to earn money other
than corporate hell, becuase if I have to go back to corporate hell,
I'm going to end up in the funny farm.
I'm not joking.
That's about all I have for now. It's taken me over two hours to
write this entry (it's 5:38pm right now), but I did it, yay me.
I had to keep getting up cuz sitting hurts, and then I laid down
for several minutes, and at one point I HAD to have a cola ice
cream float (no root beer in the house, poo).
Now I have to update my endo journal and then go fall over.
Date: Wed Aug 25 12:19:29 PDT 2004
Location: home
Music: the window fan, turned on high
QOTD:
Mood: agitated
Right after the last entry, around 1pm that day, I did a quick check again to
see when the EDD actually stops sending me moolah. I found out that the money
will stop coming in as of Christmas Eve! Hah! Pretty fucking hilarious,
actually.
So I engaged in a discussion with online acquaintances about sucking it up
and going back to school so I can extend my benefits for another 26 weeks.
Everyone pretty much agreed that I could not prove to the EDD that
taking classes in History (what I really want to do) will make me MORE
hireable than if I just went back to school for programming classes.
And I checked out all the Adult Schools around where I live, and I checked
out the community colleges. Everyone I talked to online about going back
to school (and most of these people are in the tech industry) agreed that
no one in their right mind would hire someone with 'programming' classes
from an Adult School or from 'Free classes offered to the low income and
homeless population'. So, I opted to check out the community colleges
alone. Also, the EDD told me that community college will waive the
tuition if you can prove to the financial aid office that you're on EDD.
So I began selecting courses and found out that classes started LAST
THURSDAY at the community college system in my area. Ack!
That caused me to get my ass in high gear, and I applied for admission
online.
Yesterday, I was at the admissions and financial aid office by 9am.
I selected my classes at the admissions line and got that done in less
than 20 minutes.
The line for financial aid was an hour wait.
I got the information I needed though, and they sent me upstairs for
the book waiver application, saying that I could also qualify for that
cuz I'm on EDD.
Well. Fortunately for me, the department manager was there to take my
application, and informed me immediately that I'd be denied because
I'm a college graduate once over already, and that this would be
considered 'going back to school for enrichment'.
Despite the suck, the manager was WAY nice and sympathetic to my
plight. I mean, once she scanned my application and saw that I hold
a Bachelor's Degree, she straightened up and shook my hand and
introduced herself proper - gave me the royal attention as it were.
So. That was ... weird. But cool at the same time. heh.
Then, I went down to the bookstore to find out the damage. Apparently
you can't just go into the bookstore and browse books off the shelf
for your classes. They keep them all behind the counter and make
people stand in line just to request the books. I've never seen
anything like that before. Was it because people might steal?? Hm.
So I looked at the dot-matrix zig-zag folded printout of all the
books for each class and found the books I'd need.
I got smart at that moment and wrote down the titles, ISBNs and prices
for each book, then prepared to stand in line. But then I said fuckit,
remembering that my friend nateM always called the college bookstore
the "crookstore", and I went home to order my books off of Amazon for
1/3 the price!
Yesterday afternoon, I showed up for my first class - Beginner's UNIX.
I was pretty bored through most of the class, but I know there's some
basics I never learned, so I'm gonna stick with it. The guy teaches the
class like it's Zen UNIX, and he speaks in a low but animated voice.
"So, you have given the computer a command! You have told it to cat
the contents of the file! Where does the contents of this file go?"
I answered, "to the shell window".
The instructor corrected me - "To the monitor! All basic input is through
the keyboard, and all basic output is through the monitor!"
Wax on, wax off, grasshopper!
All was fine and dandy until this morning's Intro to CIS class. The
instructor was late, the classroom was locked, and she didn't have her
key, so a maintenance/janitor guy came along and opened the door.
Things only got worse from there. This teacher is supposed to teach
us the basics of programming by the end of the course, which instills
fear in me. Not learning programming, but the fact that SHE'LL be teaching
it.
Let me expound by giving you several quotes from this teacher from
today's class:
"This is CSI 05...I call it CSI..." - teacher, referring to the
Computer Information Systems course and obviously confusing it with
the Computer Science Illuminated course textbook...I hope...or maybe
she just watches too much CSI on teevee?
"The Russians were launchin all their rockets an stuff so that's when
we said we got to start this information sharing with these computers..."
- teacher, speaking about ARPANET "in the 60's".
"When I started in the early 1990's, people didn't know what a mouse was -
they had seen it on a Mac but on a PC? How outlandish!"
"At one time Mac had 80% of the market but now they have like 3%"
(steph's edit: um, no. Apple only ever had as high as 22% of the market
from what I've read).
"...so you had synonyms...what do they call that..." - referring to
shortened English commands for programs like BASIC.
"You can type 0011 and tell the computer what to do..." - referring to
typing in binary, but she didn't even use a real binary statement.
"...the screen was all divided into squares" - talking about terminal
pixels "from way back in the day".
"...and you have the WWW, a.k.a the Internet"
"...computers aren't perfect..." - talking about the developing automation
of braking in cars - smart cars that brake for you if they sense you're
too close to an object while in motion.
"...Bioinformatics - I never knew that was a real word, I always thought
it was made up like on those late-night TV commercials for 'get your
degree fast!'...It's 'bio' so it probably has something to do with drugs..."
(Three students in class tried to educate the teacher on Bioinformatics; I
mentioned Stephen Hawking and we had to expound even on him cuz the teacher
had no idea. Then she says, "WOW! That's deep! Boy that sound like
something new up-and-coming!"
"This thing is doing weird stuff, can't get out..." - trying to exit a PDF.
...
I....I'm horrified by this woman being allowed to teach a CIS class.
So right after class, I went to admissions and dropped her.
While I was in the admissions building, I went back over to financial aid.
Again, the line was an hour long.
Well. Day 2 of college and some twit has already been on the receiving end of
my assholism. Maybe it was the hour and a half of my life I can never get
back from that goddamned teacher.
But apparently, in the financial aid office, they can't even walk over to
the photocopier and make copies of all the paperwork I have brought to them,
which was requested yesterday. I was told, "I think the girl meant, 'make
your own copies to bring to us'".
I replied with, "You mean you can't just walk over to a copier and make
your own copies? These are not for me, they're for YOUR files. How much
do they pay you to do nothing? Is this all I'll need then? Any other
paperwork? No? YOU PROMISE?"
And with that, I stormed out.
Tonight I get to go back to school to see if the instructor will admit
me to his locked down, "official CISCO certification class" on Network
Architecture.
Wheeee.
However, after all this frustration, I called the dude at the career
placement center for the EDD this afternoon, and he assured me that
even though I'm in what they call 'a dying field', he said to the
effect of "it's one of those hypocritical fields at the EDD - they'll
see you're trying to increase your skills in an ever-changing field,
even though one aspect of that field is now considered 'dying out',
and they'll approve you to go to school, so you're in, you're okay."
And that, ladies and gentlemen, means I get extended for another
26 weeks at full benefit amount on EDD.
Stay tuned for confirmation of that, of course.
Date: Tue Aug 31 13:37:57 PDT 2004
Location: home
Music:
QOTD: "people are scary" - moof
Mood: tired
This page truly has shaped up to be about Life, The Universe and Everything for me.
This past weekend, I went to Tahoe for an official Cabal Ball.
But first, let me update you from the last journal entry...
I did get into the Cisco cert class! And on the next 'timesheet' for
the EDD, I will record that I'm in school and wait for The Phone Call
from them to grill me about my schooling intentions.
I dropped the idiot class and I still have 3 classes with the Cisco
one, so I'm all set, hopefully. We'll see if I really DO qualify for
the tuition waiver. I still have to apply for the state waiver too
I think, even though I handed in an application at the school itself.
Hm.
Anyway, this past weekend.
The founding father of the Sno(w) Chao Cabal threw a party at his place and
invited the Cabal to join him, and was successful in getting three people
to fly out for the event. These people flew into the Bay Area to meet up
with some more of the cabal, and together a group of eight people made
their way to Tahoe in 3 separate vehicles.
It's the first time we've been together since June, but the first time we've
partied together like this since 1999 (oh GOD now I have a Prince song stuck
in my head).
It's also the first time I've been at a party of this sort with my ex in
the same room...since 1999 or 2000.
So I was leery to attend the Cabal Ball, because I knew that the potential
existed for us to stir up old crap at each other. I decided to go anyway
though, because I felt it was time that we just got on with our lives and
just finally accept the fact that we share the same family. We can't keep
going on trying to avoid each other for fear of Drama. Something has to
give. So I went, knowing full well that if anyone were to stir up shit,
it would be me, so I had a talk with myself before leaving town.
There were many firsts this past weekend.
It was the first time I'd invited a non-cabal member to this kind of
event, and I was worried that I'd fail in getting personalities together
again, as I have failed in the past. Most of the people I've tried to
bring to the Cabal have been rejected by the Cabal. I guess I don't see
the right personality potential. But here I was, trying again, and so
I invited my online acquaintance, moof.
I'd met moof in IRC and over time was either given or found hir LJ.
I really saw the Cabal in moof. I saw us...our group...our people...
our kind (gooble gobble?), and so when Zerby instructed us to invite
our friends, and that he planned to bring new people to the party as
well, I asked permission to invite moof.
Things got weird after that.
I found out within a week or two that moof used to hang out on the
same IRC channel that some of my Cabal did. I found out from there
that moof knows of nateM and all that is nateMy.
One of us!
nateM also at the last minute decided to fly in a friend - someone
I've known since I was a teenager - Dux's cousin. She goes by the
nick eternity. I went into protective mode and questioned the idea
of her being at the event, because 1) nateM constantly needs chix to
chase so that's part of why he brought her, and 2) she's deaf and
no one in the Cabal knows Sign, so she might be bored out of her skull,
if not outright accidentally ignored.
But eternity said she'd love to join us, so I chilled out.
Friday morning, I had my bf drive me to nateM's work while he was
on his way to his own job, since both are in SillyCon Valley, and
then nateM, eternity and I went and picked up moof.
I'd never met moof in person before (that I recall, anyway), so when
s/he opened the door to hir haus, I either thought or said, "You're tall!"
Also, moof didn't sound like I thought. Actually I hadn't expected any
type of voice one way or the other on a conscious level, but when moof
spoke, it wasn't what I expected. *shrug* Which is fine of course.
Friday afternoon, we were all supposed to meet at sherpa's house and
depart no later than 1pm, but Shaft had missed his flight out of .mi.us
so we had to wait. That was okay. Waiting in a house in the middle of a
heat wave was NOT okay.
HAIL ERIS.
She was truly looking over us for the impending Cabal Ball. :p
Once we had Shaft, we departed for Tahoe.
sherpa and Shaft went in one car, pwe and kahleida went in another car
(separate from us, they didn't meet at sherpa's place), and nateM,
eternity, moof and I went in yet another car.
sherpa had a sinus infection or something going on and half her voice
was gone, but she was determined to go play in Tahoe.
On the roadtrip up, we got to know moof and moof got to know us. I was
a bit nervous about moof and nateM interacting, because of nateM's lovely
history of getting banned from every IRC channel on the planet for his
bannering, capslocking, and self-loathing.
moof has seen this in action online over the years - but how would moof get
along in real life with our nateM?
moof turned out to be very calm, non-chalont, "eh, whatever, no problem"
kind of person, which again, is a lot like many members of the Cabal (except
for me of course, I'm always running at high velocity worry and agitation).
We all got to Tahoe within a half hour of each other, with our carload
arriving first. We greeted each other and started figuring out what to
do for dinner and what all to DO that night since we got in after dark.
Our plans of going to play bingo ("Giving the blue-hairs a run for their
money" was the original theme for Friday night) had fallen through because
we got such a late start.
While we talked and discussed, pwe and kahleida showed up. Zerby went down
to greet them and within minutes, the house started to stink.
In his usual fashion, pwe started to party immediately. And well, it IS
a longstanding tradition to remove one's sobriety immediately upon arriving
at Zerby's doorstep. But still, I just thought pwe could have come up and
greeted everyone or asked if any help or planning needed to be done for
Friday night.
I didn't say anything to pwe directly though - that's one of my old
behaviours against pwe and I made myself be good. I caught myself before
getting bitchy. No one else seemed to mind pwe partying immediately -
it's all just me. I did make a snarky quip to the people around me about
pwe coming in and just getting started without even greeting anyone.
So yes, I was still bad, even though I was good by not saying things to
pwe directly. Does that make sense? At least I caught it consciously.
So we went downstairs. We were hungry so we herded everyone into nateM's
rented minivan and went off to get food and booze. We came back to Zerby's
and fully removed sobriety - everyone except for eternity and sherpa I
think. Even Shaft got pretty drunk. I myself tried out a newfangled
contraption that pwe and kahleida had brought for smokin herbal remedies
*ahem* and one hit out of this crazy airbag of do0m made me retarded.
I swear, I felt like I met the DSM-IV for mental retardation, I could
barely function or speak (disclaimer! If you get offended at me referring
to retards, you prolly shouldn't read my journal).
So that's all I remember about Friday. We all passed out before 3am if
I remember correctly. eternity seemed to be all right and was online
with a tiny text-message device the whole time, observing us, smiling,
communicating via pen and paper, and talking to her friends online.
pwe and kahleida got their own room, as did zerby and his chix of
course, and the rest of us (6) slept on the floor in sleeping bags
in another bedroom way upstairs. Truly a slumber party!
To be continued....I have to get ready for school.
Date: Tue Aug 31 19:23:41 PDT 2004
Location: home
Music:
QOTD:
Mood: cranky
DISCLAIMER! Negative shit ahead. You have to
get through the negative shit to get to the good.
This disclaimer is put in only because I had a gut feeling that some
parties may find this journal and become
highly offended. To those I say, be patient - this is a work of
psychoanalysis as well as a log of events.
I am noting things in
the order that I remember them, and that means the bad shit first.
Carry on...
Saturday morning we all slept in, except for sherpa cuz she had gone to
bed early the night before due to being all sick.
...*looks out over the oakland hills*
gonna be a pretty sunset.
Tue Aug 31 19:46:12 PDT 2004
Wow, that was a pretty sunset. The blazing bright orange sun
was setting behind San Francisco, and it made mother of pearl hues on
the fog and clouds that lingered only above San Francisco. I could also
see the fog further out at sea, and it had more reddish hues, like glowing
embers.
The embers became more red as the sun sank behind the high-rise buildings
in The City, and the beautiful mother of pearl faded to a bright orange.
The fog and clouds just sat there, hovering above The City. Nothing moved,
it seems. It was so beautiful. I looked behind me towards Oakland airport,
and the sky was cloudless, but the horizon was red, pink, purple and blue.
I wanted to cry at the impermanence of it all. I've always been so against
things changing on me, and I refused to leave until the magic had faded.
And then, I realised I'd be even MORE upset to see the magic fade any
further, so I stared hard at the sunset again and tried to burn it to
memory. But as soon as I closed my eyes, the image was lost.
Closing my eyes again now, I get only a vague recollection of the sunset.
Why do I have to forget so soon? I'm just left with the pure emotional
response to the sunset.
*sigh*
Back to the weekend...
Saturday we went to breakfast in shifts - I ended up taking moof out
for food after s/he woke up, too, which was good cuz moof, to my surprise,
hadn't been to Tahoe before and I wanted to drive hir by the lake. It
was hot outside all weekend, which meant that the heat wave had to be
horrifying in the Bay Area. But it was beautiful, sunny, bright blue
Tahoe skies - a very good weekend.
Saturday we all got into our bathing suits and went to the pool and the
hottub. Actually I think only pwe and kahleida went in the pool before
the hottub. I remember that kahleida came in before pwe did, and I tried
not to look at her too much. I tried not to speak to her or anything. I
had no idea what to do - I was uncomfortable - I didn't want to say
anything that might be construed as rude, even though I have never had
any intention to do so to her. I just didn't know how she felt about me
being there.
We got eternity to come into the hottub after some time, too, and she
seemed to enjoy herself. We took over the whole damned hottub, it was
awesome, and moof showed everyone hir boobies. I don't think anyone
flinched in any way. I love my Cabal. :)
After a little bit, pwe said, "I dunno about the rest of you guys, but I'm
hungry." We all murmered about whether we were hungry or not, and the
consensus seemed to be no. Pwe got out of the hottub and I watched from
my peripheral vision how he and kahleida read each other's body language.
It seemed to me that he was waiting for her to leave with him, just like
he used to do with me. Fun's up when he's had enough sort of thing, and
I almost said that aloud. Glad I didn't. She seemed to stay in the tub
for a bit more, but then got out when pwe was really heading out, and so
the rest of the group followed shortly afterwards.
I felt like, why couldn't he just go get food for himself? Why does the
fun have to end because he's hungry? I realised that I was still bitter
over his strong Leo ways. He always seemed to dominate and take over
everything. But it wasn't my problem anymore. And the rest of the cabal
is still the same - passively accepting whatever the dominants dole out.
I can't remember if I quipped anything to anyone about pwe. I did though
realise just how powerful my personality conflict remains with him.
Pwe I think had suggested going out to eat at the casinos so people could
gamble afterwards, and sherpa finally spoke up to remind everyone that she'd
brought food to cook for everyone. It didn't matter though - pwe wanted to
do something so he was going to do it and the crowd was going to follow.
I decided to bow out. I didn't have a lot of money, anyway, and was
already feeling resentful at myself for telling pwe to go ahead and pick
me up some nitrous, which would mean I'd have to pay him money.
So I said I was going to stay in and eat sherpa's dinner. Shani stayed
in, too, so it ended up being three of us. I was happy immediately - I
recognised my own boundaries and stayed within them, and didn't go out.
After our yummy basalmic pasta dinner, we started setting up the place
for the official Cabal Ball. We hung tapestries, hooked up black lights
and rope lights, and brought some bedding down to make the rooms downstairs
more comfy.
When the group arrived back, we were going to proudly show off our work,
but pwe came upstairs, looked around and said, "I don't know about you
guys, but I don't plan on leaving the downstairs area."
Which to me translated to, "you silly fools, you set everything up in
the wrong place, MY party is downstairs."
I drew a deep breath and said, "Well, we had talked about it on IRC and
agreed we'd do up all the floors. Besides, I want to travel this time
instead of staying rooted to one area."
Pwe looked away from me sideways and down cast in the way that he does
and mumbled, "oookay..." and turned and went back downstairs to start
his party.
Again, I was mad. I really have a huge personality difference with this
person. It's HUGE.
So we finished setting up and joined everyone downstairs. I found everyone
in the room pwe and kahleida was staying in and immediately said in the
doorway, "I thought the party was starting in zerby's room?"
Pwe said something like all his stuff was quite accessible in his room, so
the party MUST be starting there!
So it did. People were smoking down, doing nitrous, drinking...in this tiny
fucking room.
Zerby brought the x down and people started taking their pills. I realised
that moof was missing so I went looking for hir and found hir gettin dressed
upstairs, so I went back down and let everyone know s/he'd be along soon.
People kept on doing nitrous and pwe demanded music. So nateM brought in a
laptop and put on some streaming techno.
moof appeared in the doorway wearing a beautiful red velvety dress and we
all oooo'd and ahhhh'd at hir. S/he was all done up with eye makeup and
lipstick, too! I was taken aback - I didn't know s/he'd have courage to
dress for all of us strangers, but there s/he was, glamourous!
Everyone had taken their pills by this point, I think, except for me and
moof, who went back upstairs to do a test on it to find out what it
contained. pwe said, "whatever" at moof's testing more than once, and I
could see the disdain on his face over someone taking time to test a pill.
But you know, for fuck's sake, this person is new to our group and it
wasn't verified where the pill came from so shut the fuck up, okay?
I of course didn't voice any of that. I knew it would cause a fight. I'm
always very harsh with my words, justified or not.
So I think moof took hir pill too, leaving only me, and zerby began to
yell at me that I was 20 minutes behind everyone already. By 'yell' I
mean he raised his voice across the din of the room at me, but it was
in the animated zerby voice. I knew he wasn't mad at me, just being zerby.
If that makes sense. I know what I mean.
I told zerby I was nervous this time, with new people and not knowing what
to expect.
So kahleida handed me some more nitrous and said it would calm me down,
and pwe softened from how he'd been all day, calmly telling me that it
really does work and that he and kahleida had been nervous before some
x trips before and this works well for that.
So I did some more nitrous and zerby yelled at me again, laughing, and
so I said OKAY! as pwe said, "let's play a game..." to get me to take
the pill. I think he was getting at people holding me down and forcing
the thing in my mouth (finally being playful with me), when I said FINE!,
and grinning, I threw the pill into the air and it fell right into my
mouth, landing at the back of my throat, and I chugged water to wash it
down. Zerby paused and said, "...or you can do it that way..." and people
giggled.
Then pwe went back to demanding stuff again and I said out loud to the
room that pwe's fond of tucking himself in the corner so that people have
to get things for him when he's stoned, which is true, he was in the corner
and he's done this before. It's kind of cute the way he perches all grinning
and looking like squee, but annoying at the same time cuz he's asking to
be served. And so he was...he said the music coming out of the laptop was
utter crap and kahleida chimed in sourly saying the music sucked. They went
on about how tinny it sounded.
So people asked them what music they listen to since they're the ravers, and
kahleida said she'd brought some music to play if only we could have a decent
system to play it on.
So Zerby brought in a portable stereo and hooked it up in the middle of the
floor, and now other people besides me were complaining at how tiny this
damned room was for a party. But pwe was comfortable!
The stereo was hooked up for about 5 minutes before pwe declared the room
to be too small, and why don't we move to zerby's room, and the crowd
readily agreed and picked up to move. I said something loudly like, "Oh
NOW it's too small now that we got it all set up!" but I tried to sound
playful about it. I dunno if that worked. I mean, geez.
To be continued...
