zeptember

zeptember and anaguma are now MARRIED!

-photo courtesy Diane Meeks

More photos as soon as we get them all in one place…

:D

Oct. 28 Edit: Clicky here for lots of pix!

Today was the first time I used the wheelchair since I bought it two months ago. Once I had it ready for usage, my pride got in the way and I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, so I chanced going out without it. This was back in July for the AIDS Walk. To my glee, I felt better that day and didn’t need it.

Yesterday it came up again - I was too miserable pain-wise to attend an event I wanted to go see, but I had the wheelchair. Two problems with that however; 1) the event was at the beach, and wheelchairs don’t mix with beaches. 2) my man didn’t feel like going to the event for reasons still puzzling to me. As I contemplated getting to the event myself, a migraine crept in. I’ve been getting these a lot since August of this year. I NEVER get migraines or even headaches. Well, not since my car accident back in ‘94. I got horrible migraines for a year from the whiplash and TMJ I suffered in the accident. I wore a professional jaw splint for a year and taught myself in that year how to monitor my jaw and just not clench. After a year, I tossed the jaw splint to the side and never went back to it since.
Now I’m thinking with all the stress I’ve been under, getting looked at and a new jaw splint again might not be a bad idea. But in any case, the migraine ruined what plan I had left for trying to go have fun yesterday.

Today was another event and I vowed once again to try to make it out. My friend C picked me up and was awesome enough to load my wheelchair into his car. We got to the event and doors hadn’t even opened yet, but there was a line around the block! We found parking and I got out of the car. He asked if I wanted the wheelchair and at that moment, I winced. I second-guessed. I grew prideful. I grew embarrassed. Thankfully, C is an awesome friend and told me I had nothing to be afraid of, that it was only about whether or not I felt I could stand and walk, nothing more. I definitely had my doubts about being able to even stand in line, much less walk around for any length of time. Just yesterday, I got agitated with my man over some time-sensitive shopping he’s not done yet, so I ordered him out of the house and we went. Despite the girl do0m and the migraine, I went. And I had to keep sitting. And I barely functioned. And I wanted the wheelchair.

So today, I decided, I’d rather have the wheelchair than be extra miserable. I got the wheelchair so I WILL be able to function and have fun and not worry about collapsing or looking for a place to sit down. I got the wheelchair so that I CAN start going out to events I normally would not be able to go to because there’s nowhere to rest.

So I did it. C got the wheelchair out of his car and I settled into it. And we did have fun. Morbid jokes ensued.

There are two things that I learned today from my first wheelchair experience:

1) The doorguy to the tiki bar was aghast - ‘what happened?!?!’ and I had no idea how to tell him in five words or less what was wrong with me. And I noticed people who I didn’t know would give me a sympathy look. The look of “ohh the poor thing, what’s wrong with her?” And so many people always tell me, “I hope you feel better soon!”

I will feel better soon. I always do. But I get tired of hearing that because right now, I DON’T feel better, and ’soon’ is still too far away from me. Your hope is empty because fact states I WILL feel better, therefore you don’t need to hope and worry. Give it a rest. I WILL and always DO get better.

I need morbid humour, like on the But You Don’t Look Sick website (check out their online store). I’d order stuff from their store, except the ‘Endometriosis sucks!’ clothes are all white or pastels or grey. Ugh. I want black. :p

Anyone got a screenprinter that can whip up a batch of snarky anti-endometriosis slogans for me? I like long sleeve tee shirts, hoodies, and v-neck women’s shirts. I wear a large. I like black. I *might* be persuaded to wear rust colour, navy blue or hunter green. But black is my main fabric colour of choice.

2) The other thing I learned today is that I need one of those wheelchair backpacks to store shit in when I’m shopping or with friends who are shopping. Oh and a cup holder would be rad, too.

There ain’t no stoppin me! If I get cabin fever, I’m OUTTA HERE! I’m zoomin! I’m gone! No more waiting for people to be available and/or feeling too embarrassed to ask for a ride somewhere close, I’ll be able to get out at will! Screw you, girl do0m! You can’t keep me down! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

It’s still easier for me to refer to my illness as ‘george’ when I am discussing the illness, hence the subject line. It’s simpler to say ‘george is late’ than to say ‘i started bleeding later than expected’. It’s more polite in a way - people don’t want to go right into a conversation hearing about blood. But hearing about a person being late to something, that’s tolerable.

Tuesday, August 12: Warned the lady I sit for that I was feeling severely fatigued and achey and I didn’t know if I’d have to go home early or miss work that week. Started pre-medicating with Ibuprofen 600 as of Monday or Tuesday. One per day.

Wednesday, August 13: The lady and her husband were late to work because of me - well because of a misunderstanding. I told them I’d call IF I couldn’t make it in to work. I didn’t call, so I went to work. Still very fatigued and feeling crampy but less so than the previous day, so I went. Turns out they were just covering their asses and wanted to be sure I’d show up, so they waited on me. They didn’t appear upset with me.

Thursday, August 14: Got my energy back - took the baby on two walks that day. I started spotting around 10pm and was sure george would arrive full on by morning.

Friday, August 15: George is officially due but doesn’t arrive. But all day I was tired and had mild to moderate cramps again. I was still taking Ibuprofen but took 2 over the course of the day on Friday. I had very light spotting on and off.

Saturday, August 16: Woke up at 6am with severe low back pain. Decided to ride it out instead of getting up and eating some food just so I could ingest Ibuprofen (taking Ibu on an empty stomach causes me severe stomach pain - causes most humans stomach pain). Got up because of the pain every hour after that until 9am, when I got up for good, ate some breakfast, and took an Ibu600. More spotting and light cramping on and off. Pain ramped up a bit Saturday night, especially in the low and mid-back region. By about 9pm I took a Tylenol 3 rather than deal with the pain.

Sunday, August 17: Up again from back pain and this time uterine pain too, every hour from about 7am to 10am. Full on bleeding and cramps started by 10:30am.

So my question is, did george arrive one day early, on Thursday, or did he arrive two days late, on Sunday?

In either case, I’m happy to report that I still have a full week clearance around the wedding. If I continue to be good to my body, george will not be early in September or October, either.

I know a lot of women must fret a bit over the whole getting their period on their wedding day thing. But the general populous of women don’t outright panic over getting their period on their wedding day, because most women can just take birth control pills or the morning after pill to stave off the menstrual cycle, or they can just not even care if they get their period because it’s such a non-issue for them.

But for women with endometriosis, I’d wager a lot of us look at our looming wedding day in abject fear that it could be ruined, all because of the pain and heavy bleeding we go through.

It is because of my illness, and also because of my father and my brother, that I spend about half of the time not looking forward to my wedding day, and just want it to be over with.

The other half of the time, I promise, I really am having a blast with my man planning for our wedding. We’ve gone on several wine tasting excursions because we want to serve locally produced wine. We’re about to burst with anticipation because next weekend is a big sale on last year’s surplus Halloween stock at a local boutique, and the weekend after that are the Scottish Highland Games, where my man hopes to get the rest of his wedding ensemble put together.
We have worked together on creating our own wedding invites and reply cards. My chosen sister gave us a sinister idea for favours that we ran with like children squealing in the park. We tasted cake until we were bored with the ordeal, because nothing was appealing enough to us as the expensive cake we wanted. So we finally gave in to that. Funny thing is, the expensive cake wasn’t expensive for being a wedding cake (the dreaded ‘wedding tax’ just because it’s for a wedding) - it’s not a wedding cake at all!
It’s just that the design and shape of the cakes this particular baker does is so much work that she has to charge accordingly.
We can’t wait to show people what we chose for our wedding cake!!!!

Back to the reality I am in at the moment - bedridden from the Endometriosis pain and hopped up on Tylenol 3…
Because the pain and bleeding did not start on time last Friday, this has fucked with my weekend and at the same time denied me the upcoming work week.
Had the bleeding and pain started on Friday like it was supposed to have, then I’d have been bedridden Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, and feeling better by Monday, then returning to work as scheduled on Tuesday.

But no.

Now, with the pain starting today, I am bedridden Sunday, Monday, likely Tuesday, and feeling better by Wednesday but not sure if I can return to work Wednesday or Thursday.

When I only work Tuesday - Thursday right now, this means I lose pay this week. This in turn gets me pissed off at the company that fired me all over again, because although a settlement was reached, they still have not PAID it out. I am still waiting for these goddamned people. They still hold the upper hand and have the last word as it were. They are still harassing me in this regard. They are still abusing and taunting me.

And I want them to combust for it.

I hope they get caught up in a hostile takeover and then parted out.

Last night I had PIZZA!! With crust and everything! And I didn’t get sick!

The package comes with two square pieces of dough; I think they are about 8″ x 5″ or thereabouts. The dough reminds me of matzo! And once baked in the oven for 20-30 mins, they get really crisp and fluff up ever so slightly. So it’s a bit awkward to put the sauce and toppings on because of the unevenness, but then you put it back into the oven for about 10-15 mins and everything sort of evens out. It’s SOOOOO good.
My man even had the pizza liked it alot. Says he would “totally eat it again”.

This is going to become a monthly staple in my house. Oh yes.

For dessert, we had Namaste brand spice cake covered with Pamela’s Products Vanilla Frosting.

We got the pizza crust and cake mix at Berkeley Bowl, and the frosting mix at Alameda Marketplace.

Yes, last night was splurge night. Gluten-free food lust. Mmmmmm.

First, let me catch you up on george. He went away on Friday, the 25th. That night, I babysat for my friends so they could go see The Dark Knight. Then, when I got off work, my man and I went and caught the midnight showing of the same movie.
It’s AWESOME and scary and nearly gave me a panic attack from all the suspense/thriller action blammo. Lordy. My heart and nerves just can’t take much excitement anymore, I guess.

On Saturday, we cleaned out the storage unit a bit so we can start sharing the space with a neighbor, which in turn reduces by half the amount of what we spend on the unit each month. Not a huge amount with the coming rent increase but still, every penny counts.
Saturday night, I got to witness a beautiful flashback to my man’s past by seeing a band he loved from the 90’s. The band 187 Calm played a one-off reunion show down in San Jose. My man got to connect with his old friends (the band he was in back then played some shows with 187 Calm) and it was fun to see them all together again. My man has talked so much about them over the years.
And can I just say, the bass player showed her bass a thing or two, and made out with it while giving it a what-for! I swear I was blushing some of the time, she was so awesome up there on stage. Holy shit. I mean, I don’t see grrrl bass players too often, so I dunno if they all do this. I’m guessing not though. Wow she is hot. I even told her after the show that I liked how she showed that bass a thing or two. She grinned ear to ear. A very smiley night overall.
My friend found video footage from the show, and clearly the person filming the event is friends with the bass player, cuz most of the time is spent watching her.

Sunday, I went over to a friend’s house and we looked at images from her wedding. I told her that I’d lost my bride’s dude (as opposed to bridesmaid), because he can’t afford to fly out.
So I asked her if she’d consider again the question I asked way back months ago, but told her I know she still has a lot going on family-wise and personally. I asked if she’d be a bridesmaid this time, instead of the wedding coordinator. To my happy surprise, she accepted! YAY! Oh crap I just remembered I forgot to update my other bridesmaid and I think my matron of honour with the good news. Will do that when I get home from work tonight…

After talking more wedding stuff and showing her pix of my dress, we got together with my man and spent a lovely afternoon hanging out at a bookstore and then a breakfast joint in Berkeley, and then we showed her a winery really close to our island home.

In all, a fabulous weekend.

Overall, I had a nice weekend!

Friday in particular was great, because I got a lot of good news that day.

I was told that the company that fired me will settle for the last dollar figure I threw at them, PLUS they will revamp their disability training, PLUS they will remove the ‘fired’ status from my record and call it a ‘voluntary quit’, PLUS they will give a good review for me if employers call for reference check.
HOLY CRAP THOSE THINGS ARE THE VERY LAST THINGS I EVER EXPECTED TO COME OUT OF THAT COMPANY. This excites me to no end to know that they will restructure how they treat disabled people.
I can’t help but wonder if fellow coworkers finally found the bravery to step forward and also complained about how they were being treated.

On Friday, I was able to get a wagon and a boombox on loaner from a friend to use on the AIDS Walk, which I participate in every year.
Also on Friday, I went and did what I threatened to do - go looking for a wheelchair. I posted on freecycle.org looking for a wheelchair - someone actually had one right here on the island! I went and picked it up - it fits in the trunk of my car! I nearly cried, I was so relieved at having found a wheelchair, that it was free, that it was local, and that it fits in my trunk. I had no idea the amount of stress that would be lifted from me in just knowing I have a wheelchair handy in case I’m too debilitated at any event now or in the future. It’s not admitting defeat to my illness - it’s being prepared. *big happy sigh* I just didn’t know what a weight that would lift. I’m so happy.

We spent all of Saturday running around town, preparing for the AIDS Walk and a friend’s birthday party. And then we stopped in at the local German restaurant to see a friend who was celebrating her graduation from massage school. It was a coincidental delight to also see my other friend’s friend playing there that night - his band is called the Frisky Frolics.

We got home with sore feet last night and wondered if we’d be up for the AIDS Walk, after having such a long exhaustive Saturday running all over town. Our feet already hurt from that alone.

But we did it - we got up bright and early this morning and packed up my car with the wagon and a portable ipod speaker system that we got (we decided that would work better than the old boombox, and we can use the ipod thingy for the wedding, too), and we drove off to San Francisco for the AIDS Walk.

We met up with our friends - there were only six of us this year but we still got recognition from some of the other walkers who see us there every year, and we got compliments on our team shirts as usual.

I have blisters on my pinky toes after completing the 10km walk, but otherwise my feet and other toes survived just fine, as did my calves. All that walking the baby around town for my job has really paid off!

I had mild cramps on and off today - mostly when I *wasn’t* walking, but taking a rest. George showed up when I got home and went to a friend’s birthday BBQ party. I have been premedicating with Motrin so when the cramps did finally hit this evening, it’s been mild overall.

Two people were at the birthday party whom I wasn’t expecting to see. Well, one of them I should have known I’d run into sooner or later at this friend’s house, but I just wasn’t thinking. The other one - complete surprise - as I thought she’d moved out of state.
I chose to talk to her - we’d been roommates for a short time, and it went really really badly and I left the situation, and we’d not talked since that time. We never really shared the same circle of friends aside from the second person I didn’t expect to see today, because they’d dated at one time - that’s how I came to know her.
Anyway, she had moved down to L.A., then moved back again. Apparently she’s dating someone within my circle of friends, that’s why she was at the party - she was his date. She told me she was a bit unnerved to see this other person at the party though, too. She chose to talk to him - I chose not to.
It was a decision I made on the spot as soon as I walked into the house and we laid eyes on each other - I just decided to keep smiling like I’d been doing when I walked in, and just walk past him. This means I’m still not ready to talk to him after the big fight we had what was it, six years ago now?

I will respect my decision not to talk to him. One day I may be ready again, but today just wasn’t the day. I was never catty towards him - I simply avoided acknowledging his presence and it appears he did the same. Perhaps he did this because he saw my initial reaction - my smile and eyebrows faded slightly before renewing in a “keep it up, just keep it up, keep walking” giveaway.
Perhaps he’s still mad at me after all these years, too. I’d prefer it if it were mutual, honestly. But then I know I’m not one to let go of grudges very easily. Oh hell who am I kidding. I just don’t let go of grudges.
The fact that I know all this means that maybe one day in the not too distant future, I may acknowledge him, should I run into him at this person’s house again. Maybe. We’ll see how I feel that day.

When I got home, I had an email reply to a video I posted on youtube about a year ago. In this video, we’re at the person’s house whom I did not speak to today. It’s Halloween and another friend is telling a funny filthy story. The person whom I am not speaking to is prominently displayed in the video, standing behind the storyteller, grinning.

So weird that I’d get that today on the same day I ran into this guy. I checked out the youtube comments, it doesn’t appear to be anyone I know or anyone in our circle of friends.
Since I do not believe things JUST happen coincidentally, I ponder, and say again, maybe one day in the not too distant future, I may acknowledge him, should I run into him at this person’s house again. Just found out from my man however that he’s still willing to punch the guy in the throat and had to really restrain himself at the same party today. Still overprotective as ever, I see.

Oh! One last thing! This weekend I went to two different places where alcohol was present, and I did NOT take a full drink. I had nothing to drink last night, and today I only had a couple sips of peoples’ homemade vodkas, just to see what each tasted like. Never even came near catching a buzz. Even in the highly charged social situation where I ran into two unexpected people who at one time hurt me (one much worse than the other), I was not driven to drink. I am very proud of myself for this.

Now if I can just get through the wedding and dealing with family without needing to get drunk. Shit, THEY’LL be drunk, they’re promising it. They’ve said it’s not a wedding if people (themselves) aren’t trashed. Emotional cycles with certain people take longer to change than with others.

Sorry it’s been so long since my last entry. Wow, 15 days. It’s mostly due to starting a new job and being too exhausted after work to do anything productive.

On July 1st, I started working three days a week as a nanny for a family here in town. I work nine hours per day in the family’s home, caring for a three-month old girl. I take her on stroller rides, sing to her throughout the day (educational as well as play/silly songs), I read to her from the books she has in her house, and when she is napping, I clean up the house and do chores, such as dishes and laundry. This job will last until September 9th, when the girl’s father begins working from home or transitions to full time caregiver while his wife works - I forgot which. The very next day, on September 10th, I start a new nanny position with another family across the bay from me. Their child will be six months old at that time. This job will be nine to ten hours per day, five days per week, indefinitely.

In the middle of all that, I have school districts, daycares, and other families contacting me, based upon putting my resume on craigslist and spreading my desire for work via word of mouth.
The weird thing for me is that some of these people are contacts of my man in the music world. People whose music I used to listen to and watch on MTV or whose more underground music I’m still very attached to have gone on to have children, and because they know my man, have heard about me, and are seeking me to babysit. It’s a bit surreal.

I spent Monday June 30th doing housework and preparing for the new job, and going over music I want included in the reception in October. I spent Friday July 4th with friends - there are pix from our town parade here - it’s the first time I’ve ever been to the parade. It’s supposed to be one of the longest parade routes in the U.S., and because our island is known for it’s small-town feel, it’s reflected in the parade ‘floats’ as you’ll see in the pictures. The parade makes the papers every year. I’d always been a bit frightened by the yee-haw small town style of this parade. Add to that my general dislike for the holiday itself, because I’m such a huge native american sympathiser, and I don’t agree with having stolen someone else’s land just to get away from the queen mother. The mad grab for land by several countries and the ensuing slaughter of natives, to clear the way ‘for a new land’ to be ‘free’ in - it’s such a load of horse shit. Add to that the hootin’ and hollerin’ of wild-eyed patriotism, which grew more rabid since that day back in September, 2001. It just makes me too nauseous to want to participate in the Independence Day celebrations every year.

But this year a bunch of friends called us up and encouraged us to come see the parade with them. So I figured if I was gonna go see it, I’d photo document as much of it as I could. Now I can say I’ve been, and I’ve no desire to go again.

After the parade, a bunch of friends gathered at the home of newlyweds, where we celebrated July birthdays. This group is who I consider my California chosen family. It’s weird to see that we’ve all gotten older and some of the group has gotten married and/or started having children. It makes it more real as a ‘family’ to me, rather than a wild house party like we used to do back in the day. Pictures of that lovely birthday party are here.

Then it was back to work this week.

Going out dancing Monday night was a bad idea for me. I was feeling better, and I didn’t drink booze that night. I had a pint of water over the course of about three hours. I should’ve had more water.

It felt so good to be active again, because I spent the first week of June bedridden with Endometriosis, and the next two weeks sick with a sinus infection from hell. I ended up missing two weeks of work because of this combination. So naturally, feeling better again and wanting to go dancing - I thought I’d be okay.

Well.

Yesterday I felt so run down, I slogged through the day. I should have taken it easy and napped and fed myself well, but instead I didn’t feel like eating again, and I pushed myself to do the dishes, four loads of laundry, and take care of the cat box and garbage.

I fell into bed exhausted by 11:30pm.

I didn’t want to wake up this morning. Which is okay because the agency didn’t call me in for any work. But when I did wake up after 10am, I had a stuffed head and was coughing so much that I thought I might puke.

I squirted some salt water in my nose to open up the passages, and blood dripped back out.

Greeaaaat.

I gently blew what I could out, and started coughing even more, and out came YELLOW bloody gunk.

Huh?

I thought I’d gotten over the green and yellow part of this infection! I’ve had clear boogers for two days, now! What’s with the yellow all over again?

I wonder if there was one last pocket up there in a sinus cavity just waiting to burst the infection forth.
Hmmmm.

So maybe it was good that I got out and boogied, to shake the rest of the crap loose. I dunno.

All I know is, I feel bad again. The sinuses under my eyes are all inflamed after the saltwater inhalation. Now my eyes are puffy, too. I just want to sleep all day. I just want my food delivered because I barely have the energy to make anything for myself. I’m drinking green tea right now, and contemplating breakfast. I don’t want breakfasty things. I want my Thai soup. I do have one can of “Thai” soup left in the house, but I want the REAL stuff, from the restaurant up the street. :p
…They open at 11am. Maybe I’ll drag myself over there. And ohmygod Pad Thai. WANT.
See though, that’s the thing. I should not be dragging myself anywhere. I need rest.
REST, DAMN YOU!

…

Okay, I googled information on “how to get over a virus” and found something interesting on teh intarwebs.

“Celiacs tend to have weaker immune systems and when they get viruses they tend to last longer.” - glutenfreeforum.com

Aha! I’d forgotten. I have mold and dust allergies, gluten allergies, and the mother of all immune system weaknesses - I have Endometriosis. So OF COURSE I’m going to take a really long time to get over this infection! Zept! You dolt! Just REST!!!!

Okay, enough whiney babbling. Hope ya’ll are healthy and strong, and if not, I hope you are quicker back to health than I am.

I didn’t have pain on Friday morning, though I was still bleeding. So I had really bad pain and bleeding for three days - on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday - this time around. That for me is about right. A five-day cycle overall, with three really bad days.

I did go in to work at the new assignment on Friday. This place is a government-run facility, I’m told. There was order, stability, curriculum, and professional staff. I asked if they’d need me again soon. By lunchtime, they asked me if I really did want to come back, because they saw how well the kids responded to me, and said they liked my work.
Even though I have social phobia with other adults, and even though I felt extremely awkward, I really liked that center so much better than the first one I was assigned to.

By the end of the workday on Friday, I’d had a child plop down in my lap during story time, and another child drew me a card with flowers on it, and yet another child grabbed hold of the back of my shirt and decided to be my shadow during recess. Mad giggling ensued when I turned around and asked who was behind me - she moved with me every time I twisted and turned - obscuring her identity. I figured the only way to get her to let go of my shirt was to climb the monkey bars and go down the slide. It worked - and I “ran” to get away from her again, but she’d catch me every time and we’d have to repeat the scenario. After the second time around, I had upwards of six or seven children playing this game, running after me, giggling like crazy.

George went away by Friday evening, and just in time for a cold to settle in. I woke up in the middle of the night with phlegm and a very sore throat. Ugh. I began taking 1,000mg vitamin C and popping the Cold-Eze cough drops again (this cold tried to settle in a week or two ago and I thought I’d fought it off).
I’ve had this sore throat on and off since Friday, and today it turned into a cough. Great. Good thing I have leftover codeine cough syrup from a year or so ago when I was sick. Hopefully I can fend the cold off again.

That’s the risk you take when working with children. Their germs are evil little mutating bastards. I have this saying - “children will kill ya!”

Friday night, my man took me out to dinner at our favourite Thai restaurant, and afterwards, we walked around town a bit.

On Saturday, I attended a friend’s birthday party *and* another friend’s wedding. So much stuff seemed to go awry - I rememebered then that we’re in the middle of a mercury retrograde. Ugh! Poor bride and groom! I don’t think they believe in that sort of thing though, otherwise they’d have steered clear of the retrograde. But for me, I’ve been to several weddings in my life, and clearly something was amiss with this one. But then I should probably go back through all the other weddings I’ve been to and see if any of the others were in mercury retrograde to ‘prove’ my theory, here. Hang on…

…okay. So here are some weddings I’ve been to, dating back to the year 2000. None of them fell on a Mercury Retrograde. None! And none of them had the obvious and brutal problems that this one had.
Here’s one site that shows the Mercury retrogrades, and here’s another.
In my book, point proven.

I don’t force my way of believing on others. All I can do is observe, and report my admitedly unscientific and oftentimes seemingly superstitious and very subjective findings here for myself, for posterity.

Today, we gathered at the bride and groom’s house for brunch, and watched them do the official signing of all the documents. I got to hear funny stories about the groom - I always like to hear families tell such stories. I’m a huge genealogy fan, so hearing anyone’s history, no matter how embarrassing or not, holds a lot of interest for me. I am fond of seeing families together, chatting, hanging out - doing what our family used to do before gramma and grampa moved back to Kentucky and the family fell apart without their parents as a solid rock and anchor nearby.

Bah, but I digress.

It was when we were on our way home from our friends’ house that my cough set in. And now I’m back home again, and I’m depressed all over again. I have our own wedding to continue planning. I feel alone in this planning.

I still haven’t called together our ‘inner circle’ and I feel like I can’t fully do this until we have a caterer to let us know how many people we can add to our list of people we want to have. We only have 80 right now. We want up to double that amount. We can’t have that unless catering comes in low, budget-wise. We think the last caterer we saw can do that. But we still have to finish tastings and such with other caterers, first, before just rushing into a contract with the first dude who says he can make our budget happen. He was very disorganised for our tasting - our table wasn’t ready. We had food delivered before plates and utensils. One of the glasses was dirty and we had to wait to get another because they kept forgetting. The ceasar salad had been soaking in dressing for I don’t know how long - it was horrible. And on top of it, he didn’t listen to my warnings for gluten-free and yeast-free options for me to try. I asked how many other events he had scheduled on the day of our wedding and he couldn’t tell me - said he’d get back to me on that and never did. These things are HELLO, CRITICAL to me.

Bleh. I’m so glad I don’t work tomorrow. I’m so glad I insisted on a 32-hour work week. I need tomorrow as a mental health day, and actually, I wonder how much sicker I’ll get with this cold. It’s definitely not helping with my depression. I’ve been depressed since the beginning of June - at least, that’s what my diary says.

I don’t know what else to say. Journaling got a lot off my chest, but I’ve not solved anything and I don’t feel any better emotionally like I usually do through journaling. I don’t know what else I can say or rant about in an attempt to make myself feel better.

Hmmm.

Maybe drinking a lot of alcohol socially over the past two weeks hasn’t helped my depression, either. :p

I know what would make me feel better. Winning the friggin’ lottery would make me feel better. I don’t want to work anymore. I don’t want to worry about rent and bills anymore. I don’t want to stress over wedding finances anymore.

In my natal astrology chart, I have Saturn in the 2nd House. Saturn is the planet of karma and lessons. The 2nd House is the House of finances and possessions. This means that my whole life is spent in financial hardship. Much of one’s chart is flexible, malleable. Except for Saturn. Saturn sets things in stone. It’s a harsh monster - a mean bitch of do0m. In the Tarot, Saturn is associated with Satan.

*sigh*

One last thing, just so I have it preserved here - my thumb is doing much better. Ever since yesterday morning, or was it Friday night?… I’ve been constantly applying Curel lotion to my thumb. It’s healing up nicely, and much faster than applying that stupid steroidal ointment I was given from my doctor. I wonder if I’m also allergic to that. Wouldn’t surprise me. My ma is allergic to cortisone, and only found out when she had it injected for back pain. She can’t even have it topically - it makes her rash out and also look like some kind of leper.

Righto, that’s all I got.

Between May 24 and May 27, 2008, I went camping with my other ex-pat Michigan friends. We went to New Hogan Lake, up near Stockton.

This trip had three firsts for me:

• It was there that I got to see the stark reality of what the news has been telling us about a water shortage in this state.
• It was the first time that I’d ever been camping in the rain. Can’t say I’d like to do it again.
• It was the first time I got to really meet bronicablue and baconmonkey - coincidentally, they work with my ex-pat Michigan friend! I’d only seen them briefly for the first time at blau’s house the week prior, but hadn’t really MET them… Such a small world.

Water shortage starkly revealed by chalky white lines

The rest of the pix are here.