zeptember

As if I didn’t already have enough going on in my life right now with taking on a new highly stressful job in its first week and the wedding planning, I was asked at the end of last week if I’d be interested in doing syndicated horoscopes for a company. And then this week I discovered that I had TWO pending astrological report requests - the money’s already been sent and the customers are waiting for their charts.

Instead of issuing refunds and owning up to the fact that I’m overtaxed, I was my usual stubborn self and refused to concede full defeat. Well, as far as the syndication, I said thanks but I just can’t, and it was heartbreaking, because last spring, this was my dream calling - this was what I was after. Ugh.

Anyway, I just finished one report and I’m on to the second one. If it’s not done by tomorrow night, I’m going to be very disappointed in myself, regardless of whether it’s fair of me to punish myself in this way.

Oh, and I’m taking the order page on the astrology site down for awhile.

10:17pm Edit: YAY! I’ve just finished the second chart and uploaded it! Thank [insert deity here] I was smart enough to create massive documentation and cheat sheets when I first started this venture back in April. All I have to do is copy and paste much of the output to the HTML files and fill in the blanks where self-instructed. Were I doing this for my full time job as intended last spring, I’d be able to crank out 3-4 charts a day and get better over time.

Now if I could only figure out how to fine tune this for daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes. At last frustrating try back in March, it was taking me over a month to get out a monthly horoscope for each sign. I have no idea how the pros do that…yet.

And besides, I have a day job again. So the astrology job is on the back burner until I can, over time, learn how to balance both. Right now I’m not trying at it purposefully, but wow, this week was quite the litmus test.

Customers are one thing, syndication for daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes is quite another altogether and would require full time, which I don’t have and won’t have for the foreseeable future.

I was out running errands when the director of the Evil Daycare From Hell finally called me back… at quarter after one.

She asked if I’d like to come in to work tomorrow. I said I would (not that I’d like to, mind you, but I do need the money. Badly).

I then called up my agency to ask if she’d called there, first. She hadn’t. So I asked them to call her back and make sure it’s all legit. They did and it is and I go in tomorrow.

The agency called me back just a bit ago, asking if she wanted me to work JUST tomorrow, or STARTING tomorrow and continuing through next week? I told them JUST tomorrow is all she’d mentioned. They didn’t sound too happy about that.

You know what, I’m tired of being in the middle, here. Aren’t THEY supposed to play middleman FOR ME? Geez.

Let’s hope I surive the day tomorrow…

And on the sickie front, my ears, nose, throat and head have all plugged up again. I’ve been doing the neti pot, nasal sprays, Life Shield mushroom spray (it’s $30 of useless, I say), and cough drops, but the only thing that helps are the things that make me loopy: Sudafed PE and Tylenol 3.
I’m only taking the Tylenol 3 at night because codeine is also a cough suppressant. Then again, had I lost more sleep by hacking up all the gunk last night, perhaps I’d not be back to square one with the stuffed head again today. But I thought I’d be at a job today and thusly needed my beauty sleep.
Feh.

I so cannot wait for this Mercury Retrograde to be over. It goes direct on June 19 but residual do0m is to be expected until July 4).

I didn’t have pain on Friday morning, though I was still bleeding. So I had really bad pain and bleeding for three days - on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday - this time around. That for me is about right. A five-day cycle overall, with three really bad days.

I did go in to work at the new assignment on Friday. This place is a government-run facility, I’m told. There was order, stability, curriculum, and professional staff. I asked if they’d need me again soon. By lunchtime, they asked me if I really did want to come back, because they saw how well the kids responded to me, and said they liked my work.
Even though I have social phobia with other adults, and even though I felt extremely awkward, I really liked that center so much better than the first one I was assigned to.

By the end of the workday on Friday, I’d had a child plop down in my lap during story time, and another child drew me a card with flowers on it, and yet another child grabbed hold of the back of my shirt and decided to be my shadow during recess. Mad giggling ensued when I turned around and asked who was behind me - she moved with me every time I twisted and turned - obscuring her identity. I figured the only way to get her to let go of my shirt was to climb the monkey bars and go down the slide. It worked - and I “ran” to get away from her again, but she’d catch me every time and we’d have to repeat the scenario. After the second time around, I had upwards of six or seven children playing this game, running after me, giggling like crazy.

George went away by Friday evening, and just in time for a cold to settle in. I woke up in the middle of the night with phlegm and a very sore throat. Ugh. I began taking 1,000mg vitamin C and popping the Cold-Eze cough drops again (this cold tried to settle in a week or two ago and I thought I’d fought it off).
I’ve had this sore throat on and off since Friday, and today it turned into a cough. Great. Good thing I have leftover codeine cough syrup from a year or so ago when I was sick. Hopefully I can fend the cold off again.

That’s the risk you take when working with children. Their germs are evil little mutating bastards. I have this saying - “children will kill ya!”

Friday night, my man took me out to dinner at our favourite Thai restaurant, and afterwards, we walked around town a bit.

On Saturday, I attended a friend’s birthday party *and* another friend’s wedding. So much stuff seemed to go awry - I rememebered then that we’re in the middle of a mercury retrograde. Ugh! Poor bride and groom! I don’t think they believe in that sort of thing though, otherwise they’d have steered clear of the retrograde. But for me, I’ve been to several weddings in my life, and clearly something was amiss with this one. But then I should probably go back through all the other weddings I’ve been to and see if any of the others were in mercury retrograde to ‘prove’ my theory, here. Hang on…

…okay. So here are some weddings I’ve been to, dating back to the year 2000. None of them fell on a Mercury Retrograde. None! And none of them had the obvious and brutal problems that this one had.
Here’s one site that shows the Mercury retrogrades, and here’s another.
In my book, point proven.

I don’t force my way of believing on others. All I can do is observe, and report my admitedly unscientific and oftentimes seemingly superstitious and very subjective findings here for myself, for posterity.

Today, we gathered at the bride and groom’s house for brunch, and watched them do the official signing of all the documents. I got to hear funny stories about the groom - I always like to hear families tell such stories. I’m a huge genealogy fan, so hearing anyone’s history, no matter how embarrassing or not, holds a lot of interest for me. I am fond of seeing families together, chatting, hanging out - doing what our family used to do before gramma and grampa moved back to Kentucky and the family fell apart without their parents as a solid rock and anchor nearby.

Bah, but I digress.

It was when we were on our way home from our friends’ house that my cough set in. And now I’m back home again, and I’m depressed all over again. I have our own wedding to continue planning. I feel alone in this planning.

I still haven’t called together our ‘inner circle’ and I feel like I can’t fully do this until we have a caterer to let us know how many people we can add to our list of people we want to have. We only have 80 right now. We want up to double that amount. We can’t have that unless catering comes in low, budget-wise. We think the last caterer we saw can do that. But we still have to finish tastings and such with other caterers, first, before just rushing into a contract with the first dude who says he can make our budget happen. He was very disorganised for our tasting - our table wasn’t ready. We had food delivered before plates and utensils. One of the glasses was dirty and we had to wait to get another because they kept forgetting. The ceasar salad had been soaking in dressing for I don’t know how long - it was horrible. And on top of it, he didn’t listen to my warnings for gluten-free and yeast-free options for me to try. I asked how many other events he had scheduled on the day of our wedding and he couldn’t tell me - said he’d get back to me on that and never did. These things are HELLO, CRITICAL to me.

Bleh. I’m so glad I don’t work tomorrow. I’m so glad I insisted on a 32-hour work week. I need tomorrow as a mental health day, and actually, I wonder how much sicker I’ll get with this cold. It’s definitely not helping with my depression. I’ve been depressed since the beginning of June - at least, that’s what my diary says.

I don’t know what else to say. Journaling got a lot off my chest, but I’ve not solved anything and I don’t feel any better emotionally like I usually do through journaling. I don’t know what else I can say or rant about in an attempt to make myself feel better.

Hmmm.

Maybe drinking a lot of alcohol socially over the past two weeks hasn’t helped my depression, either. :p

I know what would make me feel better. Winning the friggin’ lottery would make me feel better. I don’t want to work anymore. I don’t want to worry about rent and bills anymore. I don’t want to stress over wedding finances anymore.

In my natal astrology chart, I have Saturn in the 2nd House. Saturn is the planet of karma and lessons. The 2nd House is the House of finances and possessions. This means that my whole life is spent in financial hardship. Much of one’s chart is flexible, malleable. Except for Saturn. Saturn sets things in stone. It’s a harsh monster - a mean bitch of do0m. In the Tarot, Saturn is associated with Satan.

*sigh*

One last thing, just so I have it preserved here - my thumb is doing much better. Ever since yesterday morning, or was it Friday night?… I’ve been constantly applying Curel lotion to my thumb. It’s healing up nicely, and much faster than applying that stupid steroidal ointment I was given from my doctor. I wonder if I’m also allergic to that. Wouldn’t surprise me. My ma is allergic to cortisone, and only found out when she had it injected for back pain. She can’t even have it topically - it makes her rash out and also look like some kind of leper.

Righto, that’s all I got.

I want to get back to researching earthquakes and astrology but I have no time. Now that I’m feeling better, I have a ton of work waiting for me elsewhere on the astrological front. This unnerves me, like I’m running out of time. And yet I have no time to devote to this. And yet not one astrologer so far has ever found a reliable link to predict earthquakes.

Alas.

Ma called at 10am this morning and in the course of conversation mentioned yet another earthquake, this time in Nevada.

I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know how to piece it together. World view maps on USGS show A LOT of quakes over 5 on the Richter Scale in the past few days to a week in the Ring Of Fire.

The problem is, am I just suddenly hearing about all these quakes because they are unusual, or are we having a spat of people suddenly, collectively, paying attention to quakes and informing me of said quakes?

I feel like I’m in a rush against time to figure something out, but I need time to establish a baseline - to monitor the USGS global quake map to see if this is unusual or not.

Further, I need time to research how often it is that we have eclipses and a mercury retrograde in one month.

And yet, for the past two days, I’m sleeping for most of the day due to extreme fatigue from george (pain meds of course exacerbate the fatigue).

Lastly, is this one of my OCD moments or what?

I know about the earthquake in Indonesia - found out first thing this morning via a friend who’d seen the news, but I’ve been bedridden all day from george so I’ve not been able to study the quake astrologically, yet.

I’d started to study it actually but by 11AM I was down for the count.

This afternoon, I tried to take a nap after my last journal entry, and as expected, I couldn’t really sleep.

Suddenly, I got a vision of an earthquake happening. A big one. This has been occurring in my head with frequency lately. Remembering that I read in a couple of astrology books that people have been certain they can predict earthquakes, I got up and started searching the web. I found this site by one Andrew J. Bevan.
I created a sample chart to see if I could learn what this person’s methods are. The time was 4:26pm.

I studied the chart I created and just couldn’t find any indicators. I just don’t understand how to do this. So I let it go.
I spent the rest of the day doing other astrology work, and just had time around 10:15pm to check the daily news.

Well! There’d been an earthquake today on the west coast!

Strong quake shakes Calif.-Mexico border

CALEXICO, Calif. - A powerful earthquake centered in northern Baja California shook the U.S.-Mexico border region about 100 miles east of San Diego on Tuesday.

There were no immediate reports of any injuries or damage, authorities said. Authorities in Mexico said they were checking for injuries or damage.

The quake, which struck at 2:41 p.m., was centered 21 miles southeast of Calexico, a U.S. border city of more than 37,000 residents, the U.S. Geological Survey said.

The U.S. Geological Survey reported the quake was magnitude 5.0 but USGS geophysicist Rafael Abreu said it occurred in the area of a seismic network operated by Mexico which put it at 5.3.

Such differing magnitude reports and later adjustments of magnitude are common.

Calexico resident Enrique Alvarado said he leapt away from a plate-glass window in his office as the shaking began.

“It was a little scary — you stand in the doorways,” said Alvarado, who runs a vocational school. “I estimate it went on 25 or 30 seconds, but it feels like an eternity when you’re in it.”

Three other quakes with magnitudes of 5.4, 5.1 and 5.0 have rattled the area in the past two weeks, causing blackouts and temporarily knocking out cell phone service.

Some Calexico residents who are used to the region’s frequent quakes said they’re rattled by the recent ones.

“A lot of my neighbors and co-workers, people in two-story homes, tell me they’ve been sleeping on the ground floor,” said Cesar Aguilar, manager of a duty-free shop. “Me, my wife and kids are all sleeping together in the same room.”

Customers have been stocking up on water, batteries, camping equipment and dry food at the local Wal-Mart.

“We ran out of flashlights,” assistant manager Manuel Martinez said. “We’re calling different places to order some more.”

Calexico Fire Chief Peter Mercado said some residents were overreacting to the recent earthquakes because they’re influenced by radio reports from Mexicali, where some structures have been visibly damaged by earthquake activity.

Following one moderate quake last week, up to 30 residents of a three-story retirement home went outside and huddled in the cold, refusing to return to their homes, Mercado said.

“We inspected the building and tried to reassure them that they’re safer in the building than outside,” he said.

How did I not see this?! I was on the USGS site earlier today!
Turns out the page that comes up for the Bay Area’s latest quakes, you have to scroll to see ALL of California. Well, I was only concerned with the Bay Area, so I didn’t scroll down. Otherwise I would have seen the quake. DAMMIT!
Not only that, but that area’s been experiencing a lot of quakes recently. I hadn’t heard any news about it because well, I am real good at not paying attention to most news since last October, when I stopped commuting to and from work.

Today’s quake was a magnitude 5.0
Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 2:41:29 PM (PST)
Distance from:
Guadalupe Victoria, Baja California, Mexico - 25 km (15 miles) NW (310 degrees)
Mexicali, Baja California, Mexico - 28 km (18 miles) SSE (149 degrees)
Calexico, CA - 32 km (20 miles) SSE (148 degrees)
Heber, CA - 39 km (24 miles) SSE (149 degrees)
Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico - 160 km (100 miles) E (93 degrees)

Coordinates: 32 deg. 25.9 min. N (32.432N), 115 deg. 18.8 min. W (115.313W)
Depth: 6 km (3.7 miles)

So I constructed a natal chart to see if anything leapt out this time, which matched this Andrew J. Bevan guy’s work.

I’m just not getting it.
So I turned to my Astrologer’s Handbook (by Frances Sakoian & Louis S. Acker). On page 244 I’ve had a bookmark for years.

Now, I realise that if I haven’t lost ya’ll yet, I’m going to REALLY lose you now. I’m sorry. This is mainly for my own records to look back on…

On that page it reads:

Since Taurus is the first of the earth signs, it provides the etheric and physical substance for the lunar influences to work in. Hence the Moon gains its power and is exalted in Taurus. The Moon also is related to the seventh or physical subplane of every plane [this is Theosophy stuff] -zept and is therefore esoterically said to be a step-down transformer or blind for Uranus. Uranus is the planet that harmonically resonates to the seventh subplane of all the seven planes of our solar system. In other words, there is a harmonic overtone relationship beween the Moon and Uranus, whereby the Moon gives form manifestation to Uranian power.
The polar opposite of Taurus is Scorpio, where Uranus is exalted. This fact must be considered when one evaluates the vibrational interaction of the Moon exalted in Taurus. It will be noticed that Moon-Uranus aspects can be counted upon to bring drastic changes into the practical affairs of people’s lives. Since Uranus precipitates ideas into form manifestation, it is said to be the significator of sudden change. The Moon exalted in Taurus confers the ability to steady the feelings and generate the vital energy needed to give ideas physical manifestation. We would like to pose the thought that the Moon is often the trigger influence in earthquake horoscopes; it can set off stress conditions created by eclipse and other configurations that strongly involve Uranus. The Moon acts as the harmonic vibration link between the higher-plane stress generated by Uranus and the gross physical substance of the Earth itself.

Ok so at its basic: eclipses, Moon, Taurus, Scorpio-Uranus aspects. Ok, got it. I’m also reading that one should take into account Mars aspects (Mars is angry god of war and destruction), as well as Pluto aspects (Pluto is the god of death/underworld). Oh, and if an Earth sign is involved, the earthquake happens on land. If a Water sign is involved, the earthquake happens at sea. And some guy named Ed Tamplin says he’s found that when most or all of the planets are lined up on one side of the chart, it’s earthquake weather so to speak.

So let’s have a look at today’s chart:

Sun conjunct Neptune and opposite Saturn, but Trine Mars.
Moon opposite Neptune and Mercury.
Mars opposite Pluto (rut roh shaggy) and Trine Neptune.
Jupiter sextile Uranus.
Uranus in a water sign (Pisces).
Seven planets on one side of the chart.

… studies chart for 18 minutes solid…

Yeah okay I can’t wait to be laughing at myself from the future looking back at this. I know it’s so easy to grasp. I’m just suddenly too tired to go further tonight.

Woke up this morning and the first thought that hit my head was:

*looks around bedroom*

*sigh*

“I think I’m ready to go back to work, now.”

All day today, I’ve felt like I’m on the vacation that’s gone on for far too long.

Despite the fact that up until Friday, I’ve not felt like I’ve been on vacation. As a matter of fact, I’ve been working very hard the past four months to get my astrology site to a state where it looks desireable for customers to want to buy a chart and bring their friends and family in.

But I brought this “vacation” mindset upon myself last week when I was cleaning the house and preparing myself for a long weekend with george.

George didn’t show up and I’ve gotten tired of waiting around for him to show up.

The problem with my thoughts this morning of being ready to go back to work is that I didn’t mean, back to work on the astrology business.

I meant, back to work in the traditional sense - working FOR someone FOR a steady paycheck.

However strong my urge was to look for work today, I realise that we’re still in a Mercury retrograde, and for me, that’s bad news when looking for, obtaining or having trouble on a job.

Mercury retrograde doesn’t stop until tomorrow, but Mercury doesn’t end up going forward in the sky until March 10th. Hell if I’m gonna get a traditional job willfully before that date.
Moving forward. That’s what I’d like to do in life.

I just gotta stay patient and remember that george hasn’t hit yet, and I’m still depressed, and to just take it easy on myself. I’m still in downtime. It’s a bad one with a week of emotional hell leading up to george. But I can get through this.

P.S. I’m freezing.

So, george was due on Thursday.

It is now Sunday night.

I’m freaking out.

My man assures me he feels confident that no accidents have happened the last couple of times we were intimate.

I counted the calendar… had I been on time last month, then this month george would not be due til tomorrow. But of course, I’m worrying. It’s what I do best.

And this freezing thing, I’m fed up with always being so frickin cold! I have on a hat, a sweatshirt over a tee shirt, a pair of sweatpants, a pair of socks and TWO slippers on each foot (one pair fits comfortably inside of my godzilla slippers)… and I’m shivering, nipple poking cold.
The house thermostat is set to 70°F while outside today it was 52°F with bright sunshine all day. But still I froze my ass off.

I took a nap today and woke up shivering DESPITE having FOUR blankets on me.

I’ve had blood tests for thyroid balance done over the years and the tests always come back normal.

I remember last winter was cold in this house, but this winter is fucking freezing. Every day since what, December? I’ve been shuddering cold. Not just chilly - actually goosebumps all over my body, wearing a bathrobe over my sweatshirts and sweatpants or other clothes during the day, dressing for the arctic just to go to bed, wearing a hat to bed, FUCKING COLD.

BAH.

In other news, I’m finally making awesome headway on the endometriosis resource center type wesbsite. I spent all day yesterday and today on it. I’m so excited! I have a few more things to do before I release my baby into the wild officially.

I’m still depressed and have not been able to work on the astrology site in earnest since February 11th. That’s about a week of downtime, now.
Great.

:(

Getting back to george for a second - I’ve had mild to moderate george pains for the last few days, even though he’s not here.

Yesterday, the pain came in waves. I’d want to cry - the pain was so dull and low in the uterus (near the bladder is where the endo still remains), and it’s just so, I dunno… it’s painful is all I can say. Then it went away for awhile.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I’ve also been VERY tired the last few days, and I’ve been sleeping in longer in the mornings as a result. This sucks because it is beautiful and sunny outside, and I should be exercising via bicycle or walking, but I’m SO run down.
Despite that, I rode for 20 minutes on the bicycle trainer today. That’s ten minutes down from Monday, February 11th, when I was able to ride for 30 minutes straight. Today however, the 20 minutes I did nearly had me in tears due to the fatigue, and then I had to go take an hour and a half nap!!

Friday night, while putting fresh linens on the bed around 1am, I got a hot flash. I’ve had these associated with my period for years. My Ma has laughed at me about this since I was in my twenties, and always tells me I have no idea what a hot flash is like because only women in menopause get those.

YEAH, LIKE I BELIEVE THAT.

So I was making the bed and the hot flash came on - I was out of breath and my face turned hot, and my hands got real hot, and then the rest of my body followed suit. I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror - my cheeks were bright pink - flushed from the hot flash. I checked my neck and chest - they were fine. I called my man into the bathroom to look at me and he acknowledged the flushed face. I put my hands on the back of his neck - he got wide-eyed! My hands are NEVER hot, they’re always ice cold! HELLO SEE RANT ABOVE ABOUT FREEZING.
So he totally believed me. I took my temperature - it was 98.3°F, which for me is high because I’m always so cold and always at a low body temp - usually something like 97.6°F or 97.9°F.

I stripped off my clothes and got into my PJs and left my socks off. My man looked at me like I was crazy, because at bedtime, like I said, I always bundle up as though I’m camping in the arctic.

The hot flash lasted about 15 minutes and then, just like that, I got the chills and was back to my ‘normal’ lizard-like self. I had to put on my slipper socks and get under the covers.

Yeah, I’ve been getting these hot flashes with or around the time of my period for over ten years, so it’s nothing new in conjunction with the fact that my period has been off last month and this month.

What a pain in the ass. And speaking of that, yes, I’ve been having the ass pains again lately, too.

I’m so glad I got the allergy blood test over with. Did I tell you about that? I’d been eating foods that were bad for me so I could take the dreaded blood test again. The nurse drew seven vials of blood for my allergist! Lordy. Anyway, I’m glad that it’s over - now I can re-calibrate my body back to healthier foods - yeast free, gluten free, sugar free, etc.

Can’t wait for the results of the bloodwork. All of this is to determine how severe my allergies have gotten and if the doctors can tie that to immune disorder and eventually also link the Endometriosis into that. Once I have a SINGLE diagnosis of something like Immune System Disorder or something, rather than buckshot ( dust, mold, food allergies, depression, Endometriosis, environmental irritant sensitivities, hypoglycemia, thyroid issues, etc etc), THEN I will finally start to feel like some progress is being made in treating my entire being, not just symptoms.

Holy crap, my fingers feel numb from the cold. Going to go bundle up further and crank the heat to 74°F.