zeptember

Last night I went to the bar with two of my house neighbors, and I drank two glasses of red wine. It’s the first time I have drank alcohol since October 17th, when I got blackout drunk.
I did not feel drunk off of the wine until I got home, and then I felt a bit tipsy and rambly at my husband, who got home at the same time I did.

I drank some water before bed, then read for awhile.
I went to bed and woke a few hours later feeling dehydrated and agitated. I drank some water and went back to bed.

Before my alarm went off, I had a nightmare.

I was in the bedroom when my husband or my brother or both people saw a huge spider on the wall. I ran to get a container to collect the spider and toss it outside. I returned to the bedroom to collect the spider, only to find that it was a giant scorpion. The spider upon first look had been about the size of my thumb, but had become this scorpion the size of my hand. The scorpion was dark brown in colour.

Still, I tried to collect the scorpion into a plastic water pitcher I’d found in the kitchen. The scorpion was highly agitated, and ran down the wall onto the floor. I slammed the pitcher on top of it and the scorpion went wild inside, climbing the walls and settling upside down on the roof of the upside down pitcher. The scorpion began smacking its tail to sting the pitcher, and to my shock, the stinger tried coming through the pitcher! I screeched and jumped and felt a nick on my thumb or finger, but continued to try to get the scorpion out of the house. The scorpion came out of the pitcher and began racing after me. I yelped out and hid behind a door but the thing came right for me at a fast speed. I got out of the way just in time, and tried to figure out how we’d catch this thing. Thoughts of a shovel came to mind at this point… no longer want to collect it but to kill it.

I woke - breathing heavy and panicked. Got up, used the bathroom again, tried to go back to sleep to no avail.

According to Dream Moods,
To see a scorpion in your dream, represents a situation in your waking life which may have been painful or hurtful. It is also indicative of destructive feelings, “stinging” remarks, bitter words and/or negative thoughts being expressed by or aimed against you. Your dream forewarns of a self-destructive and self-defeating path. The scorpion is also a symbol of death and rebirth. You need to get rid of the old and make room for something new.

I had been talked into attending Dickens Faire workshops on Saturday with a friend. I’d created a faux pas when acting in hastily assembled (crazed lunatic) character for a group, I did not greet Mr. Dickens himself in the preferred way. I was told later that the guy who plays Dickens is seriously full of himself, but it didn’t matter - I felt I had already let the guildmaster down somehow by this faux pas, and I brooded over it all weekend.

On Sunday, after a long day of continued homework for the class which finished on Halloween, which I’m very late turning in, I went to the bar with my neighbors and drank for the first time in a month. I knew I was being bad, since I have been in therapy for drinking, but I drank anyway. I felt guilty when I got home but did not outright tell my husband I’d been drinking. I was rebelling a bit, not wanting to be “caught” or “get in trouble”, but wanting to do what I pleased, when I felt I have things under control. I feel like there is no leeway - I feel like if I drink, people assume I will automatically be out of control every time.

Hence the scorpion dream.