zeptember

Last time I caught a virus that turned into a sinus infection was only three months ago.

This month, I started a new job working with three-year-olds and two days later I was sick with the flu. My doctor was sure I had a regular old cold virus, but I started off with 100°F temp and had full body aches, horrible headache, chills, diarrhea, nausea, sore throat, and then the SnotFest came into play a few days later.

This has been going on for two weeks. I’m on antibiotics as of today because as always happens, the sinuses get clogged and infection sets in.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009:

While sitting in class with the students, I developed the following symptoms:
* Increased heart rate
* Increased respiration
* Decreased sweating
* Decreased urination
* Increased body temperature
* Extreme fatigue
* Headaches
* Nausea

I went to the office and took my temp - it was 99.5°F which, over the past month, seems to have been ‘normal’ for me and is part of my general worrying over what is going on with me, health-wise.
I went back to class to ride it out. At lunchtime, I drank lots of water and gatorade.
At 3:30pm while outside, I stood up after talking with a child and almost fell over because I suddenly got dizzy. I caught myself by slamming into the play structure, bruising my left hip. An assistant teacher saw this and told me to just go home. She looked worried so I heeded her order. However, I was so dizzy, nauseous and overheated that I spent the next hour in the teacher’s lounge, in the dark, with cold cloths on my wrists and forehead.
I overheard the financial director tell the secretary that she didn’t like me.

I am stubborn and I wanted to make the rest of the school like and keep me so I returned to work the next day.

Saturday, April 18, 2009:
100F temp, sore throat, pounding headache, puffed eyes

Monday, April 20, 2009:
Came home sick at 10am.

Friday, April 24, 2009:
George arrived that night

Monday, April 27, 2009:
Spotting - returned to work even though I was still sick and definitely knew I had a sinus infection brewing.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009:
Came home sick at 11am and went straight to doctor, who told me I likely have sinus infection, gave me antibiotics and told me to stay home.

Thursday, April 30, 2009:
Stayed home sick, began taking the antibiotics.

On Friday, April 17, 2009, there was more B.S. at work. We were told mid-morning that we’d be having a staff break at 1:15pm. The co-worker who has the same lunch hour as me spelled it out; this meant we’d only get a 15-minute lunch.
She said she’d not brought any lunch with her today, as she didn’t know about the meeting til this morning. I only had some hen to eat, and was going to go get some side dishes to enjoy with the hen, but now I couldn’t.
I told the co-worker that by law, we are entitled to a 30-minute lunch break for every six hours we work. I told her I would check with the #2 playground to see if they were within ratio, to find out if we could go to lunch early, at 12:45pm, instead of having to go over there.
They were within ratio, so we went to the office to ask permission to go to lunch early. By the time we were granted permission, it was 12:53pm. I decided to just go ahead and eat the half hen I brought, along with a protein bar, rather than spend the next half hour procuring side dishes from a local fast food place (Boston Market).
My co-worker went and got herself a sandwich from a local shop and came back in time for the meeting, and ate her lunch during the meeting.

It was only at the meeting itself where we were told we could bring our lunch in and eat it, thus giving us our hour lunch break.

There is near zero clear and concise communication from management to staff members in this place, and it’s driving me nuts.

I had blisters on my feet since about Tuesday, from all the standing, walking and running around I had been doing on the job. My knees had ached all week but seemed to be doing better on Friday. I had a sore throat from about Wednesday or Thursday onwards, but was drinking lots of water and popping vitamin C and zinc twice a day to stave off colds from the kids.

I was granted permission to leave work an hour early on Friday, to go to a wedding. Again I’d asked if ratio was low enough and was given the yes signal to go.
My husband and I got out of work early, got dressed and ready, and drove 34 miles to Benicia to witness a friend get married. We stayed for the reception. I even danced to one song, and had some wine to drink. It was a lovely wedding.

On the way back home, I fell asleep in the car, and hurt my neck when my head fell forward suddenly. I still have a stiff neck from that. When we arrived home, I went right to bed.

I woke up early Saturday morning feeling like a Mack Truck ran over me.

I had a really sore throat, pounding headache, puffy eyes, yellow/green phlegm, body aches and felt very listless. It physically hurt to move. I made an appointment for the doctor’s office and went in. They did a strep test, which came out negative, and told me I “just” had a virus, which likely started on Tuesday or Wednesday, and that this weekend should be the worst of it.

I was so demoralised by being sick again that I cried during the doctor’s office visit. I showed a calendar to the doctor to make sure this wasn’t all tied to the gynecological issues I’m having. She said it is totally separate, but it didn’t help me to feel better, since nobody seems to know WHAT is wrong with me overall.

I spent most of Saturday sleeping and crying. I was in bed for the night probably around 8:30pm. I woke at 3:30am but forced myself to go back to bed. Woke for the day on Sunday after 8:30am.

Today (Sunday) I’ve had more energy, but it’s used up very fast, so I have to keep slowing down and being very deliberate in my movements, conserving as much health and energy as possible. I had a new symptom develop on Saturday and continuing today - diarrhea. I’ve only had it a couple times each day but still, I’m sick. And as of this evening, I’ve got a stomachache, too.

It doesn’t help that as of today, we’re in a heat wave. Today it was 90°F outside. Tomorrow and Tuesday calls for more of the same. And I’m supposed to be running around with children in this.

We’ll see how I’m feeling come tomorrow 7:30am. I may call in sick. I will just have to take care of myself. I refuse to overtax and kill myself for a workplace again like I did before, because THAT company ended up firing me, anyway, after how hard I tried and worked and was a yes-man for them. This place will do the same in a heartbeat, I can already tell. So I’m not playin’ that game.

DON’T PLAY THAT GAME.

I am more important to me than one particular job.

Monday, April 13, 2009: I came in and looked for my name on the teacher sign-in sheet. I didn’t see it. The secretary told me it won’t be there for two weeks, until I’m officially past probation and on full time staff. I thanked her and asked what class I was supposed to be in. Nobody knew, so the director was called up. I was put into one of the preschool rooms and told my schedule would be 8:30am - 4:30pm Monday through Friday.

While on my lunch hour, the financial director asked me if I’d signed in today. I told her “no, I was told I didn’t have to because my name won’t be on the schedule for two weeks.”
The financial director snapped at me, “Who told you that!?” I told her it was the secretary. The financial director snapped that she didn’t believe me for a second, that the secretary would never say that, that everyone has to sign in and be accounted for, for legal purposes. She told me to follow her to the teacher’s lounge, where we found the secretary.

The financial director asked her, “Did you tell her she didn’t have to sign in?”
The secretary replied, “No, I told her that her name wouldn’t be on the list for two weeks. She still has to sign in!”

Then they both looked at me. The financial director gave an impatient look. I apologised to the secretary, and told her I’d misunderstood. I went back to the office and wrote my name on the roster to sign in. I was then told I’d need to fill out a timecard every day. The secretary showed me where the timecards were and how to fill it out, and where to store it each day.
I then asked where I could keep my bicycle if I were to bike to work each day, and the secretary showed me.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009: My first day bicycling to work! I can’t remember what exactly happened on Tuesday, but I did catch more shit from the financial director and some assistant teachers. I went to the school director at the end of the day, thanked her for the class I got to attend last week, and said that while it taught me the materials and such for this type of school, I really didn’t get any training on the policies and procedures of my day to day at the school.
She asked me to clarify. I told her that I just felt like I was being scolded for doing things incorrectly, things I didn’t know I was doing wrong because I’ve not been told how to do them.
The school director snapped, WHO scolded you?!”
I told her I’m not here to name names, just that I’d like to learn policy and procedure, please. She retorted back that she can’t help me unless she knows what I’ve been being scolded for. Then she softened, and asked if I was seeking orientation.

“Yes”, I said, ““I’d like an orientation, please.”

She told me to write her a note and she’d get me orientation on Thursday or Friday.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009: I had my dehydration episode and had to end my shift an hour early. Because I’d ridden my bicycle to work, I needed to rest before riding home, lest I fall over or pass out. So I went to the teacher’s lounge and rested in the dark with sliding doors drawn. I had ice on my wrists and temples, and slowly drank water to cool down. As I was sitting back there (for about an hour), I suddenly heard the office Secretary and the Financial director talking somewhere between 15-30 feet away from me. I heard:
Financial director: “What’s she go by? Stephanie or Steph?”
Secretary: “Steph.”
Financial director: “Steph?”
(unintelligible)
Financial director: “I don’t like her.”

I about cried.

I forced myself to wait a few minutes longer, sitting there in the dark, trying to will myself to feel better. I waited til the chattering stopped and the women were back in their offices working. I hoped they’d left for the day. Then I slowly gathered up my things and left the building. I know for a fact that my sudden presence startled the two women as I walked past.

When my husband got home from work, I told him that if I get let go from one more job, I’ll be done working, because I just can’t take it anymore. I’m seriously demoralised. And if this bullshit isn’t enough, I still have my next menstrual cycle to get through, which is due on my two week anniversary, when I’m supposed to go full time. If they fire me for being out ill, it’ll bring up major PTSD and well, you know what I’ll be forced to do.

Thursday, April 16, 2009: I got to work on time like I do, signed in and got to the classroom.

At morning recess, one of the assistant teachers - Ms. Grouchy as I’ll call her - got on my case for the second day in a row for standing outside of the children’s woodchip area instead of inside of it. I tried to tell her that sometimes I stand outside and sometimes I stand inside, but she talked over me, saying I must ALWAYS stand inside of it, and always be right up near children climbing on the play structure, ready to catch them if they fall, because of liability. She added that the management comes out here, that they watch us. I took a breath and stepped inside the play area (as opposed to on the sidewalk just outside of the play area), and carried on with my supervising.
Ms. Grouchy came up to me a moment later and said she’d forgotten to tell me that when one teacher is in one area of the playground, you must be on the other end of the playground - at all times - to keep maximum coverage. She told me she’d go to the other end and I should stay right where I am.

This lady doesn’t make my day much easier, I tell ya, but I do not take her grouchiness personally, because she’s said on several occasions that she doesn’t know procedure, either, that she’s not been told, either. I see how the head teacher corrects her constantly or gives her a look when she’s not done something right. I know this woman is burnt out and feels insulted by all these young people treating her like she’s feeble-minded. I’m younger than her but I don’t think by much. In contrast, the head teacher is nearly 8 years my junior.

At lunch, I sat in the library tending to my nails instead of eating lunch with the secretary and the financial director in the teacher’s lounge like I had been doing all week.

When I did make it to the kitchen to prepare my lunch, the financial director was right on my heels, suddenly needing to educate me on how to sort recyclables. I nodded and listened and let her ramble at me in her condescending voice. She told me recyclables have to be brought up from the back playground to the front of the school. I asked her what she meant by ‘front’, as I did not remember seeing blue recycle cans out front. She grew impatient with me, told me OUT FRONT as if I’m retarded, sighed, and then said “Here, I’ll show you, come on.”
We walked out the front doors of the building and she showed me two three and a half foot tall square black cardboard containers labeled for recyclables. She rambled other stuff to me but I let it go in one ear and out the other, smiling and nodding and thanking her for her time. Then I went back in and finished preparing my lunch. I ate in blissful solitary silence in the teacher’s lounge for the last 25 minutes of my break.

There’s other stuff I’m constantly being reminded of or corrected on by various people (and in one case, a four year old child whose dream it is to be a teacher herself!), but it’s necessary and I need to hear it on repeat. It’s only my fourth day for chrissakes. So I thank anyone who takes time to remind me or educate me on stuff I’m struggling with.

My head teacher, her co-teacher, and most of the other assistants have been great. I really like them and get along with them. I think there’s potential for Ms. Grouchy to calm down, too.

The other new hire, who also works in the same room with me, is already showing signs of giving up. She’s got the impatient scowl going on. She’s vented to me a few times in private about all the lack of direction, about all the B.S. and one person telling you to do it one way, then being scolded and told to do it another. I hope I was able to talk her down a bit today. I told her I’d try to get us both official orientation with the director tomorrow, since the director was not available today (stuck in meetings all day, even as I was leaving for the day).

Like I’ve said before on all my other jobs, I want to hang in there to at least say I am confident that I gave it my all, that I tried, dammit.

But holy shit, I’m so not happy right now.

So…the latest round of employment needs to be discussed.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009: I had my first interview. This was with the owner of a Montessori school, which houses children aged 3 to 12 if I recall correctly. I had to fill out an application twice because they needed two original printed copies, she said. I was told my college transcripts would not apply save for one course; Child Development. I was told there was an Early Childhood Education class being offered at the school next week, and asked if I’d like to join it. I said yes, because whether or not I was hired, this is important for me to take, so that I am employable elsewhere (Not all daycares and schools will accept my college transcripts. This is what I found out when I first set foot in California back in 1997, and is partially why I went into the dotcom field instead).
I was told I’d need a physical if I were to be hired, because my last physical was slightly over a year ago and it has to be updated every 12 months. I was told to come back on Thursday to interview with the director of the school.

Thursday, April 2, 2009: I met with the director of the school. During the interview, the director made it clear she’d not had time to review my resume, references, application or college transcripts. She asked me to fill her in as to what the owner and I had talked about on Tuesday. While I talked, I said, “and if I am hired…” she stopped me short and looked at me, and told me, “uh, you’re already hired.”

Oh! Well! Nobody seems to have told me this!

I stumbled over my words, thanked her for being hired, and told her I thought this was second round interview, not orientation, and told her that had I known this, I’d have mentioned on Tuesday that I’d be out of country, soon. I told the director, “this could be a dealbreaker, but I’m going out of country on honeymoon for most of May.”

She looked agitated and rang up the owner of the daycare, as well as the human resources person. Then she left the room and they all met for a moment to talk and discuss. The director came back and told me I would be fine, I’m still hired. She told me the first two weeks are probationary, anyway, and after that, I’m considered a full-time permanent employee.
This ended what I thought was second round interview, and then what I thought was orientation. But now that I’m hired, I came away feeling like I’d not gotten any details about what room I’d be placed in, my hours or anything outside of my pay rate. I was told they didn’t know where I’d be placed yet and what hours I’d be working, and that it would all be worked out by Monday.

I was asked if I could stick around for a bit to observe the daily schedule in one of the preschool rooms. I said yes. The children seemed to be all over the place because the school was on vacation that week, so it was being used as a daycare instead of school. When the children went out for recess, it became apparent to me that I was being kept there because they were over ratio, which is illegal. I allowed myself to be used as an extra unpaid supervisory adult, because I wanted to get a feel for the place.

I ended up staying for a total of five hours from the moment I set foot in the building til when I left for the day.
I was asked if I could come back the next day to do more “observing”, and then start the Early Childhood Education class the following week. I said yes.

Friday, April 3, 2009: I only stayed for a couple of hours this time, and then came back home. Again, I was told that the details for my employment would be ready on Monday - that no one knew yet where I’d be placed.

Monday, April 6, 2009: I showed up at 9am for class, only to find out class had started at 8am. I showed my paper to the school owner to prove that it read 9am. She apologised, and said two copies had been accidentally distributed. Once all of us arrived around 9am, class begun again.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009: We were supposed to have class from 8am - 10am, then again from 1pm - 5pm, but we ended up going straight through from 8am - 5pm. The owner of the school asked us in the morning if it would be alright. I was a little put off by this but agreed to stay.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009: Again, we were supposed to have class from 8am - 10am and then break until 1pm, but without being asked, the class was held straight through to 5pm.
It was on this day that two things happened to further piss me off:

1. As we toured through the classrooms on one of our assignments, an assistant teacher asked me if what we were doing was for the ECE units. I smiled and told her yes. She told me that I might like to know that these ECE units are NOT the ECE units I think they are, that they are Montessori-specific ECE units and not considered valid by an accredited school. I thanked this teacher and told her I’d check in with the owner. Inside, my blood was boiling at having been deceived into spending $161 on a course I thought was for something else.

2. As we toured through the classrooms looking for examples of how culture and ethnicity is available to the children in each room, we found none. Each person who came back to the owner to report this was told to try one particular teacher’s room for examples. This particular teacher just so happens to be the owner’s daughter. I and another student remarked how biased this was, and we wondered between ourselves if this is the room parents are shown when they tour the school. When I saw the owner was alone for a moment, I went to her and told her I was not finding examples of culture and ethnicity in other rooms, and no, not even in her daughter’s room. The owner got defensive at this point, and cited that the school has won awards for cultural diversity, and that they rotate materials out of the rooms all the time. A teacher in one of the classrooms later told me that the owner does not like posters on the walls in any of the rooms, and that partially explains why there’s no year-round cultural and ethnic materials around. But there wasn’t even books or puzzles or anything else. The owner explained this away by saying they have a broad category of such materials in the library. Which is true - I looked - but it’s not in the classroom as the Montessori ECE practicum asks me to look for and cite.

When class was finished that day, I asked if I could meet with the owner in private. She said yes and we talked in her office. I meekly and politely confronted her about the ECE thing and how I felt mislead. She refused to say outright that there was any sort of difference, growing defensive again, saying that it certainly is held in regard by accredited schools. She went on to list American Montessori Society (AMS) at the top of her list.

I thanked her for her time, and went home to think about this. She obviously either meant to deceive or is so wrapped up in her Montessori world that she doesn’t UNDERSTAND what I was asking.

By Thursday morning, I’d calmed down, and decided that getting ECE in both general education and Montessori education isn’t all that bad after all, and I can’t beat the discount price I paid for the class. So I forgave the owner and returned to class.

Thursday, April 9, 2009: The owner made a point to clarify the class she was teaching, and made sure everyone understood it is valid by accredited Montessori schools, and that we can go anywhere with this certification we will be earning. Again, she refused to state openly that these were ONLY Montessori-specific ECE units, but she did state the AMS again, so I hope people understood this fine distinction, lest they be disappointed later that they haven’t earned the California general ECE units.
The owner also had several science fair type three-panel boards to use for show and tell proof that they have culturally sensitive materials in the school. These materials of course were pulled out of storage to show us, and we were told the materials rotate through the classrooms every so often. A classmate and I shot each other the following look to sum up this contrived bullshit:

Friday, April 10, 2009: Our last day of class. We had another full day of it from 8:30am - 5pm. This is where a lot of my best learning was had - I’d waited all week just to touch the math toys in the classrooms, and learn how they worked. I was so excited by all the math tools! I seriously wished I’d grown up in a Montessori environment. I know I’d have learned math properly. The week ended on a positive note and everyone gave hugs and some of us exchanged numbers and emails before parting ways for the weekend.

It’s catch up time once again!

I lived through class last week, and this week I’ve been working full time as an assistant preschool teacher. When I get home in the late afternoon, I am exhausted, but I fill out my practicum journals, which are due at the end of the month, in order to receive my Early Childhood Montessori Education certification.

By day 2 of working, I got sunburned scalp and face. It was minor, but it didn’t help with the fatigue factor. By today, day 3, I fell ill and had to come home early. I was sitting in class monitoring the children as the teacher spoke, when I began to feel really hot in the hands. I mean burning up hot. My feet got really hot, and so did my head. But the rest of my extremities were cool to the touch. I then developed a pounding headache. I felt faint and nauseated. My heart began to race. This of course brought on mild panic, cuz I didn’t know what was happening to me, and if it was related to my as yet undetermined cervical issue (more on that in a moment).

I took my temp - it was 99F, which is what it’s been since the end of March. That’s been worrying me too, cuz my “normal” temp all my life has been around 97.6 - 97.9F.

I drank some water and went back to the playground to supervise children. I was just finishing breaking up a fight (4-year olds taking sand shovels from one another) when I stood up and immediately lost my balance and crashed into the playground equipment, injuring my left hip. Unfortunately, another assistant teacher saw this and pleaded with me to go home for the day. This is the same woman who a little while earlier asked me if I was doing alright. This time, I took her advice. I rested in the teacher’s lounge for nearly an hour, drinking water and putting ice on my wrists and temples, reflecting on her and another assistant’s words - they thought maybe I was dehydrated. I began to think maybe they were right.

When I felt well enough to get on my bicycle, I pedaled home. Today is day 2 of biking to work, go me for exercise! And well, it’s only a mile commute each way.
The racing heart and woozy feeling returned on the ride home. When I got off my bike, I had to rest on the bike for a minute, with the bike propped up against the house, because I was dizzy and out of breath.

Once inside, I began drinking water again, and read up on dehydration.

Symptoms of dehydration usually begin with thirst and progress to more alarming manifestations as the need for water becomes more dire. The initial signs and symptoms of mild dehydration in adults appear when the body has lost about 2% of it’s total fluid. These mild dehydration symptoms are often (but not limited to):

• Thirst
• Loss of Appetite
• Dry Skin
• Skin Flushing
• Dark Colored Urine
• Dry Mouth
• Fatique or Weakness
• Chills
• Head Rushes

If the dehydration is allowed to continue unabated, when the total fluid loss reaches 5% the following effects of dehydration are normally experienced:

• Increased heart rate
• Increased respiration
• Decreased sweating
• Decreased urination
• Increased body temperature
• Extreme fatigue
• Muscle cramps
• Headaches
• Nausea
• Tingling of the limbs

When the body reaches 10% fluid loss emergency help is needed IMMEDIATELY! 10% fluid loss and above is often fatal! Symptoms of severe dehydration include:

• Muscle spasms
• Vomiting
• Racing pulse
• Shriveled skin
• Dim vision
• Painful urination
• Confusion
• Difficulty breathing
• Seizures
• Chest and Abdominal pain
• Unconciousness

I fell into category 2 with 5% of bodily fluid loss, hitting all but two symptoms (tingling and muscle cramps). Go me!

After arriving home and drinking 24oz of water over the next hour, my body recovered enough fluids so that I was in stage 1 of dehydration (severe chills). I’m still very cold. Well I guess this is my normal state…normally dehydrated perhaps!! Lordy.

I then looked up how much I should rehydrate myself - about 64oz per day appears to be the recommendation. So I only have about one more water bottle to get through (up to another 24oz) today, plus some pedialyte, and I should be back to baseline, hopefully.
From now on, I’ll drink two and a half sport bottles of water (60oz) per day at work.

Right now though, I’m totally wiped out. I will be in bed before 9:30pm tonight.

I wonder if having an autoimmune disease makes one more predisposed to dehydration in the same way it makes us more prone to any kind of sickness?

…ah christ. A quick Google search tells me that constant dehydration CAUSES autoimmune diseases, and that rehydrating cures diseases. Yet another broad group of people to fight, alongside the new agers who blame sick people for their illnesses.

Ugh.