zeptember

Today is Day 3 of george, and Day 2 of the heavy bleeding.

Today, 1mg is no longer enough to stop the pain.

Monday night I went through a total of two Dilaudid pills, so that’s a total of 2mg in one day.

Tuesday, I woke up in screaming pain and went right for the Dilaudid. I was able to take only an Ibuprofen600 in the afternoon, and that was enough to silence the cramps. The cramps came back around 11pm, so I took a Dilaudid just so I’d be knocked out for the night. So in all, I took a total of two Dilaudid pills, which again is a total of 2mg in one day.

Today, it’s not even 2pm and I’m on my second Dilaudid pill because the pain came through the first one.

And when I say “pain”, it’s such a subjective, generic word. It can’t possibly even come near what I’m really feeling.

“Pain” doesn’t convey to you the level of pain that I’m feeling.

My latest phrase since December to describe the pain has been that someone’s hooked up a rusty tow claw or chain to my uterus, and now they’re slowly trying to pull everything out of me.

I hope that’s enough to suffice when I say “I’m in pain”.

George arrived yesterday. The pain ramped up badly by 7pm.

Last night was the 15-year anniversary of a local goth club. I waffled and hemmed and hawed for hours, and despite the pain, at the last minute, decided I would go. I popped 1mg of Dilaudid (I have the generic, which is Hydromorphone, but Dilaudid is much shorter to say and spell) and off we went, just after 9pm.

I felt no pain until around midnight, when my lower back started really hurting from sitting and standing, so I popped another milligram.
I never did dance - all I could do was try to focus on being upright. I was chatty and able to hold conversation for the most part. The bright flashing lights of the club hurt my eyes, and I felt off balance whenever I tried to walk or stand up. My eyes had nystagmus pretty bad, which didn’t help. But in all, I am glad I went, because I got to see my friend who had such a rough patch in New Mexico months ago. I and several of our friends wired him money and sent abundant emotional support, and this helped him to stay alive and push on, and get back to the Bay Area. He’s home in our neck of the woods, now, and he’s doing so much better.

When I got home, I was starving, so I nuked an Amy’s brand gluten-free enchilada meal. Sadly, I got quite nauseous after eating. Blah. I went to bed.

Woke up this morning after about 5-6 hours of sleep in excruciating pain. I was also very whiney and cranky and demanding. I remember this emotional outburstiness right after surgery, when I’d also been on either Dilaudid or straight morphine. So I know it’s a side effect.
I wanted none of that “Try an Ibuprofen first and then the Dilaudid” crap. I went right for the Dilaudid and was just short of screaming in pain. My man had to go to work so he couldn’t tend to me, and he felt really bad. I told him I took the Dilaudid and would be okay, and I was.

I had nearly six hours pain free, with only sporadic moments of sharp, jarring pain. I took a nap, and when I woke up around 3:30pm, the pain returned. I didn’t have the whiney demanding crankiness this time, though.

I decided to do the Ibuprofen600 first this time, so I nuked an Amy’s brand Indian dish of Palak Paneer to first coat my stomach against the drug, and after eating, I took the Ibu.

I’m waiting for the pain to subside. It takes twice to three times as long for the Ibuprofen to kick in as it does for the Dilaudid. But I don’t want to simply cover the pain because I know there’s inflammation going on with Endometriosis, and Ibuprofen is good for that, and a good diuretic to boot.
But if I don’t have a good level of pain relief in the next half hour, I’m taking the Dilaudid, too. The pharmacist said it’s okay to combine the two.

Regarding my body temperature - want to update you on that for a minute - my core temperature remains 97.4 to 97.9 even when I’m on my period. The internal inflammation doesn’t elevate my temperature. Strange.

Haven’t taken any vitamins today - I’ll go do that now.

I have not left the bed today except for food and bodily functions.

Please listen to this.

So george arrived today. That makes him “on time” for the new cycle he’s created as of last month.

This is good, as long as he doesn’t change cycle again before October. Right now I have a two week clearance around the wedding date. Note to body: KEEP IT THAT WAY.

But what pisses me off is that the past month has felt like one long breath-holding session for me.

I just didn’t trust the home pregnancy tests, and I was feeling low level nausea, and I had swollen, painful breasts and legs.

Then, last week, I got all the symptoms of my period without the period. So I spent the past week feeling like I was on my period, only with no blood. Last time that happened, uh, I was pregnant.

But then today george actually arrived.

Commence the *sigh* “Oh thank gods” / “GODDAMMIT” routine.

Yay for no sprog, boo for the massive wave of pain that’s coming.

Regarding the vitamins, I’ve been including one calcium/magnesium vitamin once nightly before bed along with the vitamin C, and during the day, I’m remembering to take a B-50 vitamin with either MSM or Glucosamine. I still need to take those two several times a day, but, y’know, baby steps.

The problem with my breasts being so painful has cleared up with the last two days’ worth of Vitamin B-6 being added back into my diet AND cutting out caffeine.
The other B-6 deficiency that waned is the swollen legs. Yay! I checked my medicine cabinet and I have a new, unopened bottle of vitamin B-100 waiting for me once I finish off the rest of the B-50 vitamins, too.

I may have been mean to myself by neglecting myself with vitamin deficiency, but at the same time I was good to myself at some point because I’d bought a new bottle of B’s so I wouldn’t be without coverage when the other bottle ran out. Now I’m back on track. I’ll be a good girl.

The pain from the Endo hasn’t been bad today, but then, the bleeding hasn’t really ramped up yet, either. I’m on Ibuprofen600 right now.

That’s about all I got.

I’ve not been very good to myself. I keep forgetting to take my vitamins. It feels like there’s just too much to manage these days.

I have eight tiny herbal pills - Chinese medicine - and I have to take eight of these pills at a time, three times a day.

I have to take my pulse and temperature every three hours to present data to the endocrinologist.

I take one calcium/magnesium vitamin once nightly before bed.

I take one MSM pill once nightly before bed.

I take one vitamin C vitamin once nightly before bed.

Just with that alone, I’m still forgetting to take the MSM two more times a day, a B-complex vitamin once a day, a glucosamine sulfate pill once a day, and my pre-medication Ibuprofen up to twice a day.

That’s A LOT of pills going into my gullet. I feel like pills are all that I’m taking.

The problem now that I’ve forgotten for two months straight to take my B complex vitamins is that my breasts are so painful, I can’t even change into or out of bras and shirts without wincing from the pain. I have other symptoms, too:

• Irritability
• Bloating
• Swollen legs
• Cravings
• Fatigue
• Foregetfulness

Those are all symptoms of B-6 deficiency, as well as magnesium deficiency, according to what I read in Endometriosis: A Key to Healing Through Nutrition.

I thought I was getting enough magnesium, but according to the book, I need three times what I’m taking. Looks like another trip to Trader Joe’s or the local health food store to see if they have just magnesium to supplement the calcium/magnesium vitamin.

I remember to take vitamins at bedtime, but the problem with vitamin B is that it gives me nightmares if I take it at night. I’m going to have to get it in my head that a B vitamin MUST be taken with my first round of Chinese herbal pills in the morning.

I think once I have the B’s in my system again, I’ll stop having the two-weeks-before-george pain and fatigue and all that crap.

Oh and the tea thing… note to self:

NO MORE CAFFEINATED TEA, DAMMIT.

You cut the coffee, now cut the caffeinated tea.

NO MORE CAFFEINE.

REMEMBER, CAFFEINE WILL KILL YOU.

No wonder your breasts are tender. Caffeine is contributing to this.
Caffeine is bad for me.

Caffeine is dangerous to me.

GAH, sometimes, I swear I wanna smack you.

/note to self