zeptember

I had withdrawls on Thursday and Friday. The stomach cramps and nausea hit me at the same exact time of day, and I couldn’t eat. Then I was fine by Saturday.

As good as the Dilaudid was to me while I was in pain, I really do NOT need to be having withdrawls from that shit for days after the pain has gone away. I await my GYN’s return phone call to discuss the next steps, and I also await a call back from my masseuse, who is looking for a Qigong practitioner for me so I don’t have to keep going down the opiate road.

As to my length of cycle - last month it was two days of bleeding. This month it was three. Three days is about what I’m used to for the past five or so years.

So now that the cycle has righted itself, so to speak, I just have to figure out how I’m going to manage the pain the next time around.

I called the pharmacy last night and they were of NO help whatsoever. They accused me of overreacting, saying one can’t have withdrawl symptoms after only 3 days on a drug. Fuck them, they don’t know me or my body or my history with medications. So I called the on-call nurse at my GYN office. She was much more understanding and took me at face value, and gave some advice, and also said yes, I should go to ER if the symptoms worsen.

So I decided I’d try eating something and if the cramping returned enough to really hurt a lot, or if the diarrhea returned, I’d go to ER to get blood workup.

I had two gluten free waffles with real maple syrup and gluten free butter, and chocolate almond milk to drink. After eating, I had rumbly stomach, and the nausea continued, and I had a few minor cramps, but nothing major and no diarrhea. So I just decided to go to bed and sleep it off. I figured I’d endured the worst of it.

Woke up this morning and my right upper arm is still a bit twitchy, but I was hungry and able to eat without any problems.

But overall, this blows. I don’t know what other medications are left for me at this point. I’m still waiting for my masseuse to get me a Qigong practitioner.

Oh, and george returned again this morning. I have to leave for a job interview in 45 minutes so I’m holding my breath so to speak, hoping the pain doesn’t return as well.

The job interview is for another daycare agency. My horoscope says to expect financial or job news today, or a bill of some sort to come due. So I’m also eagerly awaiting any news from the labor board.

I was eating Amy’s brand corn tortilla cheese enchiladas, topped with Trader Joe’s jalapeño tortilla chips, when I had a full GI reaction. Started with tightening in the stomach, then full on stomach pain, then nausea, then the rest.

I looked at the box to be sure I got corn instead of flour tortilla enchiladas. It IS corn. Or so it says on the box. Maybe it was a mixup. I have no idea - I ate it all before getting sick.

My eyes are glassy and I’m even MORE tired now than I was before. My pulse is normal - they say when the body has an allergic reaction, the pulse can elevate. Hm.
I’m gonna go take a nap.

10pm Edit: It wasn’t the food. This has been going on for five hours now. I decided to look up “withdrawl symptoms” to the hydromorphone (Dilaudid), since I took so much of it, yesterday (well, for me, it was a lot).

Get this! (bold indicates those symptoms I am exhibiting)

The opioid abstinence or withdrawal syndrome is characterized by some or all of the following: restlessness, lacrimation, rhinorrhea, yawning, perspiration, chills, myalgia, mydriasis. Other symptoms also may develop, including: irritability, anxiety, backache, joint pain, weakness, abdominal cramps, insomnia, nausea, anorexia, vomiting, diarrhea, or increased blood pressure, respiratory rate, or heart rate. - rxlist.com

Even as I looked up the symptoms, my right upper arm began twitching, too (it’s noted as a side effect while ON hydromorphone, but for me it could be part of the withdrawl).

Go me.

Another drug I need to fire.

Oh, and george was mostly dead all day today, but returned by 9pm. No pain, yet, just bleeding. But if the pain resumes, and I have this nausea and stomach pain, THEN what do I do?
I seriously might go to ER for injection at that point, cuz I’m seriously done with abusing my stomach right now.

When I was ON the hydromorphone, I had the following side effects that I failed to note until now:

• depressed respiration
• stomach and intestinal gurgling
• low-level nausea
• headache (first withdrawl symptom I had as of late last night)

This blows. I don’t know what else to say.

Yesterday, the pain got so bad that I took 2mg all at once, because the pain got so bad sometime between 6:30 and 7pm.
So yesterday, I had a total of 4 or 4.5mg for the whole day, which is about 2 and a half pills total.

Last night, I had tears in my eyes and a furrowed brow from the pain, waiting for the medicine to kick in, lying on my back on the bed with a heating pad under me and a heating pad on my pelvis, when my man came home from work.
He had two blue roses for me.

I burst into tears and thanked him and kissed him.

I love that man.

THEN!

After dinner, he bought me ice cream.

Yes, I know, I’m not supposed to have ice cream. But I was having one of those IT’S NOT FAIR moments, wherein I’ve been very good and I’ve not had milk or pop or caffeine or corn syrup or any of that garbage, and STILL the pain kills me dead. So I was all WHAT’S THE POINT, GIVE ME THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT.

And so he did. He got me ice cream.

And I didn’t have any worse pain after eating the ice cream.

The older I get, the more I feel that the endometriosis pain is not always related to immediate dietary input. The pain is there because it’s embedded and it’s an immunological genetic disease. No amount of food abstinence is going to make the pain go away. That’s how I feel lately anyway.

When I woke up this morning, I felt rejuvenated. I had so much energy, I didn’t know what project to start on, first. I was hyper. I felt myself spinning in place.

So I took a shower and was excited that the pain and bleeding didn’t ramp up after the shower like it’s done so many times before.
I went outside into the lovely sunshine and walked up the street to my car. I took my car to the gas station and filled the tank, and drove to the doctor’s office to request a note for a potential employer (I have an interview with another childcare staffing agency tomorrow).
I then drove to the local army surplus store to inquire about British WWII uniforms. They didn’t have any. Ah well.

At this point, I still had to go to the grocery to pick up a couple of items, and take my car to an auto wash, but this is where my body had enough excitement. I was ready to fall asleep at the wheel.

I came home and here’s where I’m at. I’m SO tired. I think I shouldn’t push my luck for the rest of the day. I need to save my energy for the interview tomorrow.

It’s a shame, because today is the first day of Spring, and it’s beautiful outside, and I’m not in pain. And yet, my body wants to sleep through the day.

It is what it is.

I will listen to the birds singing and just take it easy today.

1:25pm Edit: Ok I didn’t listen to my own advice. I walked up to the doctor’s office to retrieve the doctor’s note, which was only one mile round trip. I’m still not in any pain but my body is even more tired now than it was before. So, NOW I take it easy for the rest of the day.