zeptember

What a long stretch of time to update!

On June 1st, we celebrated a friend’s birthday. At said birthday shindig, a woman whom I’d met this time last year began chatting me up about Endometriosis, since she also has it. She informed me that the latest news on Endo is that it’s a CANCER. And she was weilding that word like nobody’s business. I told her I’d have to research this myself, and that I wasn’t ready to hear that a disease that I have is cancer.

So I did some reading up. Turns out, the Experts are debating as to whether or not Endo is in fact a cancer, and for the time being, they are calling it cancer-like. Not only that, but women with Endometriosis have a higher incidence of breast, endocrine and brain cancer according to the studies done!¹, ², ³
This didn’t make me feel too good emotionally, but I have to keep my spirits high, otherwise I fall into that horrid hypochondria. My own surgeon has not said I have cancer. She has not said I would die from this disease. So it’s not a cancer and I don’t have it. I just have Endo.

Then, of course, I got george the next day and I was out of work on Monday. I returned to work on Tuesday and my back went out due to anxiety/stress over the fucking workplace and having missed work again. I spent the next two days on muscle relaxers and george dried completely up.

I got written up for my unauthorised time off work at the weekly one-on-one meeting on Friday. I was informed that I could be fired after being written up for missing work after having used up all my Paid Time Off. Now every time they bring up my possibility of being fired, I always add, “even though this is a documented medical condition?” and they always say “yes.” I always shake my head and say, “oookay…” and proceed to collect more data against them.

My back was better by Saturday, and just in time, because we volunteered to help some friends move from San Francisco to our little island (eh, it’s not so little though; the place has over 70,000 people).

I am now seeing a health counselor every two weeks, so I had to report to her that no, I have not stopped drinking like the weekend alcoholic that I am, and no, I have not started to improve my diet aside from adding in greens with my lunches. Then I was back on muscle relaxers because the back started feeling shitty again.

Then, Mercury Retrograde hit on Friday, June 15th. It will last until July 24th and it’s in the sign of Cancer. This is what I blame for being so emotional I want to sob just thinking about people I don’t even know whose lives I hear on the news have been shattered by this or that unfortunate event. This is what I blame for being gossipy and loud-mouthy and spazzy and for focusing so much on how death will tear me apart from my beloved that I want to sob uncontrollably. I’m not normally like this, and I don’t think I’m PMSing - george isn’t due til June 29th.

And NO, I still have not written up my fantastic time in Portland. I just want to go back there now, please.

In the meantime, this past weekend I visited a friend who is still planning her escape from the U.S. to get married to an Irishman and leave the country in January on a year-long backpacking honeymoon. We made a homemade Mexican food feast and chatted for hours. Then from there I went back home and talked wedding shop with two more friends for my own wedding, hopefully to be happening next year! We don’t talk much in public about the planning process because right now it’s still feeling the waters so to speak and would we recoil or can we handle *actually* doing this. The next day, we went to visit yet more friends who live an hour away.

And during the week, I try to get a little bit of genealogy or astrology work done. That’s why there’s been no update.

Until next time…

So it appears that george had given me five days worth of bleeding and cramping all in one day back on Monday, because he’s barely been around on Tuesday and Wednesday. I don’t trust the fucker - I won’t believe he’s gone for another month until this week is OVER.
Monday sucked. I couldn’t even sit up straight without having to change a pad.

Then on Tuesday morning, my back went out. I medicated like hell with muscle relaxers Tuesday night. George returned with light flow and cramps on Wednesday on top of the (now diminished) back pain, so I popped an Ibuprofen 600. I got through work yesterday, but not without my back seizing up again, so I took more muscle relaxers (soma) last night and went to bed again with a heating pad.

Still not 100% this morning, but george appears to be in hiding.

On the workplace front, there’s yet MORE restriction handed down from management to further drill morale through the foundation of the building. Now they’re telling us we could be fired if we take our appointed breaks too early or arrive back too late from them, so to ensure we go on time and return on time, we have to wait to be tagged by the person on break before us, and return in time to tag the next person on break. We get three strikes for violating this new rule, then a firing.

My latest mantra is one that has been told to me before: “Don’t give them a reason”.

I’ve been trying to be good. Trying is so very difficult.

George is due again this month, just like a blue moon - he’s due to arrive by June 30th. So I could be fired for taking time off due to my medical condition by the end of this month. Stay tuned! I now have a note from my primary care doctor related to my illness AND a LETTER from my surgeon - both on the way to me in the mail, which I will hand to the HR department at work.
We’ll see how well that goes over.

As long as I have documentation, things swing a bit in my favour.

I went to work yesterday. George decided to take a back seat so I took advantage of it. Problem is, the company has been causing me so much mental duress, and george had been SO mean to me on Monday - I gushed non-stop all day, that two things happened by Tuesday morning:

1. My neck and shoulders seized up from worry over whether I’d be fired for not showing up on Monday, because my boss had written to me on Monday to remind me that I am now “borrowing from the company’s time” because I’ve used up all my PTO days.
2. My lower back seized up from all the hemorrhaging done on Monday.

This didn’t stop me from getting ready for work on Tuesday, though. With george taking a break from beating on me, all I had to contend with was the sore back.

However, when I went to get into my car to drive to work, the neck/shoulder pain worsened. By the time I got to work, I could barely move my neck up or down, much less side to side. By mid-morning, it hurt to take a deep breath to yawn, and I thought a sneeze would kill me. I popped 600mg Ibuprofen throughout the day and considered taking Tylenol 3 on the job, but didn’t. I made it through the work day, came home, refilled my muscle relaxer prescription, took two, and passed out with a heating pad.

After over six months without my back going out, the back has now gone out twice on me in the past 20 days. The first time was because I was lifting weights again. The second time I’m convinced is due to job stress.
I woke up at 3am to take a third muscle relaxer, and this morning I have much more mobility back.

However, this was george’s cue to return. So now here I sit, just minutes before I’m to leave for work, wondering if I should go in or if the cramps will get any worse. I am fully aware that if I take even a half a day off work today, I could be fired.
Yesterday I called my surgeon and my primary care doctor and asked for doctors notes for the days I’ve been off work due to george since my surgery. The primary doctor is happy to oblige. The surgeon for some reason wants to discuss it today before writing me the note. WTF.

More later.

On Friday during the weekly one-on-one meeting with my boss, she told me that she’d checked with HR and found out that they do not allow people to work from home for any reason.

Then she said that I am in danger of losing my job if I miss any more time. I asked if she understood that I have a health condition. She said yes and said that HR thought I’d be cured by having surgery. She said she continues to fight for me to stay on, but it’s getting increasingly difficult to convince the HR department.
I told my boss that I was due for menses this coming Sunday, and that likely I’d be out of work again for part of the coming week. She said the only thing she could do is keep trying to make a case to keep me to stay. She again raved about my numbers and the fact that I’m still in the top half of the department call ratings.

That day, I spent half of my lunch on the phone with my boyfriend, discussing my impending firing. He suggested I call the labor board. I did, and they booked me for an appointment. That made me feel A LOT better about my situation. That company is not going to get off easy.

I spent the rest of my lunch hour writing to my boss. I realised that most of our discussions about my disease and time off work had been oral conversations. I want this shit in writing. Part of what I asked her was,

“Just to sum up what we talked about this morning: I informed management from even before day one of my permanent hiring that I have a health issue (Endometriosis), which I was having surgery for. I was told that [the company] was waiting for me to have surgery before hiring me. I interviewed the week before my surgery. I informed everyone that my disease is incurable. I informed everyone that the surgery might help with the pain. Since April, I have been informed by you that HR thought that the surgery would cure me – do I have that right? And I was also told since April that continued absences post-op will be a threat to my continued employment. I just want to know for certain – if I have to miss more work this week (because menses is due on Sunday), is it certain that I could be terminated as of next week? Or do I have a month left where HR will decide whether to keep me on? I need to be prepared and let my partner know ASAP what my financial situation will be like.”

She replied with,

“You are correct. [The company] was under the impression that you were going to be cured after the surgery and it is unfortunate that is not the case. Unfortunately, continued absences is a threat to your employment. You have 1/2 PTO left for this period until July, and if you are in real pain next week and cannot come in, you will be borrowing time from [the company]. We will continue to review the situation with HR, but there is no definite date if/when you will be terminated.”

This weekend, I went over my monthly expenses with my man. He says he can support me when I get fired.

I had a nightmare this morning whereby I was starting a new job at some clothing factory. I went in to work with a basket of some of my own clothes, which were for some reason bright green tie-dye… and I carried a big ladder with me in to this job.
I was there for all of ten minutes and received the worst demeaning treatment from the new boss. I was talked down to and even scoffed at for asking simple questions. The manager was a blonde barbie doll type bitch, as was most of management.
So I up and left and spent the day walking around the mall that this factory was attached to. When I came back at the end of the day to retrieve my belongings, the management wanted to know where I’d been and began to berate me. I told them I wouldn’t stand for such aweful treatment and as I began to say I wasn’t going to stay on as their employee, I was held down and forcibly tattooed below my bottom lip. It was a circle with some design in it which I now forget and in it was a tracking device so they couldn’t lose sight of me on my breaks anymore. I told them I’d sue, because I never consented to this shit. I fled the workplace after shouting at length with the management and telling any co-worker within earshot what had happened to me. They were too afraid to run and liberate themselves. I fled and management fled after me. A car chase ensued in which they tried to kill me. I somehow lost them while driving a comandeered tractor trailor, which I ditched down a road off the highway. Next thing I know, I’m being taught by some guy how to clean up after a sewage truck on the side of the highway while looking around anxiously for the goddamned killer management from the job I’d just fled.

Last night I went dancing with my man and a friend. Right before I went dancing, george arrived. The cramps were light at first and became more moderate throughout the night, but remained manageable. At the end of the night, I sat down for a moment before we left the venue, and for some reason that spurred the cramps into high action. The car ride home was grueling, and I took Tylenol 3 when I got home and went right to bed.

Today I have spent the day bleeding like a stuck pig and doped up on Tylenol 3.

I know I’ll likely miss work tomorrow, and stress over whether I’ll be fired or not.

I will be selling CDs and DVDs, a Mac G3 and CRT monitors - let me know if you are interested. I will be making a list of those items in a moment.

I will flesh this post out with details of the trip at some point soon, but until then… look at pix!.