zeptember

WTF. I feel like a Mack truck ran over me.

Two days ago, I went to the Ministry concert. I’d decided that since the band has gotten much more metal over the last two albums, and judging by how angry “Uncle Al” is on the album, that I would avoid going into the pit this year.
Last year, I went into the pit and came out with a glorious battle wound - I was black and blue and swollen from my right knee down to my ankle.
So this year, I decided I’d stand at the edge of the pit and feed off the energy within. And ohhhh boy was it violent! Woo! So thrilling! I helped to hold the pit wall - it’s where you constantly push back on people spiraling or hurtling out of control from the center of the pit towards the people just standing and trying to watch the show. That in itself gave me the physical exercise and adrenaline rush that I’d wanted.

When I came home from the show, I was a little bit achey in the legs from bracing all night.

Yesterday, I felt a little bit sore in the shoulders from all the pushing and bracing I did on Friday night.

But today! Today I woke up feeling run over, as I said. I had to slowly move my limbs to stretch the pain out. I nearly gave myself a charlie horse in my left leg just by stretching. Then the snap crackle pops of my hip, leg, arm and back bones - only it wasn’t a smooth crack - the cracks felt dry and brittle, and they hurt.
Gah…the reality of aging.

Why is it always day two that the real pain sets in for me, and not the day after??

My knees were a bit sore yesterday, but today they are killing me. I stagger and whimper just to get up out of a chair for chrissakes.

Good thing I’m not planning on doing anything until this evening, ugh.

I went to bed before midnight last night, and got up just before 9am, and already I’m tired again and needing a nap.

Regarding the show itself, it was fucking awesome, but I admit to being disappointed that Jello Biafra didn’t join both Ministry and RevCo up on stage, since he’s on both of their latest albums.
He was there in the crowd, though. I hope he at least got into the pit.

I’m coming up on my second menstrual cycle since going on the yeast-free diet, and starting Wednesday night, I began getting olfactory hallucinations of pizza just before bedtime. The scent was really strong, as though I’d just had pizza delivered.
I whimpered, of course.

A few days prior to that, I had a dream that I was making coffee in the morning, and I accidentally stirred in sugar and cream. I realised after the fact that I’d added verboten ingredients to it, and I remember saying “oh shit!” in the dream, staring down at the coffee, and then thinking, “well, I’d better drink it…don’t want to waste it”, and so I took a sip and it tasted SO good!!
I woke from that dream and whined. I’ve not had any coffee at all since going on this diet, because coffee itself is verboten. Previous to the diet, I couldn’t drink coffee first thing in the morning because it would lead to instant hypoglycemic attack. So dreaming of a morning ritual that includes making coffee is highly suspect.

This tells me that I’ve eaten something in the past week which has started to stir the little yeasty critters in my gut back to life again, and they’re trying to control my brain!!!

But what was it? I’m not keeping a food diary like a good girl. I should start doing that. Blah. I wonder if it was because I’d had the wheat cereal on the morning of May 19, and oatmeal on the morning of May 23rd? I remember those two dates because I’d noted hypoglycemic attacks in a monthly endo symptoms log that I keep, and I’d noted what brought those attacks on.

Anyway, PMS cravings won out and on Thursday, my boyfriend and I ordered Chinese food. My tummy was gurgly afterwards because of the soy sauce they use in the cooking, but it was soo good!

Today, I ate a sugar-free lifesaver candy, and it was so sweet from the sucralose that my eyes crossed, but it did the trick - it gave me the sugar fix I needed.

So, another month, another bout of food cravings, another month of nearly losing it emotionally, what’s new?
Same shit, different diet.

I guess it would help if I could remember to take my vitamins every day, too.

Oh, and on the drinking front…I went 26 days without a drop of alcohol. Then I had one small vodka on the rocks on May 20th. Then I went six days without drinking, before I had another small vodka on the rocks, and perhaps 1/4 glass of a mandarin vodka on the rocks after that, both on May 26th. I was at concerts on both occasions in which I drank liquor, which means I still get stressed out over being in social situations, and I still resort to alcohol to help chill me out.
BUT! And this is important - I haven’t gotten DRUNK to cope with social anxiety since going on this diet. Ha! It only took me 16 years to learn how to drink. :p

Oh, and you may ask ‘why vodka?’
I dunno. I thought it was ‘clean’? Not so much yeast? But I guess it’s made from potatoes, right? So I should really be going for rum or something, I dunno. I’m too lazy to research it right now.

Last week, I found some sugar-free cereal so I tried it out. For the rest of the day, I had severe indigestion. The cereal is whole wheat.
A few days ago, I tried the cereal again, and I got indigestion, stomach gurgle, puffy eyes, tingly nose and general irritibility.
So now wheat is out. The waffles I’ve been eating are wheat-free, thankfully. I need some semblance of bread in my diet!

I’d called my mom the other day to ask what my childhood allergies were. She grabbed the list she’s kept all these years and said she’d send it to me. My allergies are: tomato, corn, citrus, egg & dairy, wheat, feathers, dust, cotton lint, grass, trees, and mold/penicillin.

Of those, I know that my allergies to mold/penicillin are severe, followed by dust and lint and feathers, followed by fresh-cut grass. The others, I’d forgotten about over the years, and now it’s caught up with me.

So now, along with new restrictions based on the above, I’ve also just confirmed why soy cheese makes my stomach gurgly and makes me feel crappy after eating it - because they put casein in it and call it vegan! Bastard Dickweeds!

But that’s not all! Many of the soy-protein fake meat products out there contain “yeast extract”, which is really MSG!!

WTF?!?!!

So now I REALLY have to learn how to cook.

Ass.

But the good news is, I’ve lost 2 more pounds! I’m now at 170lbs (77kg).

OH, and I ate asparagus again tonight and I’ve been fine.

Well. It turns out, people on the Internet are misinformed…again! Shock and awe!

Now that I have two books on yeast overgrowth, these books tell me that anything with corn in it is BAD, mmkay?

So I have to ditch the corn tortilla crackers, and the taco shells completely, and read all labels for any corn ingredients. Apparently, corn easily succumbs to mold, and it is one of the most common of food allergens, because corn in many forms is in virtually everything we eat every day. Therefore, exposing oneself to the same food every day can produce an allergic reaction that ranges anywhere from headaches to indigestion to constipation/diarrhea.
So on the advice of two books, I’m omitting corn while on this diet.

The two books I bought are:

Chronic Candidiasis and The Yeast Connection Cookbook.

I tried eating shrimp today and now I have a headache and I felt like my blood sugar got wonky. I ate the shrimp with broccoli and asparagus, and I had lime infused sparkling water to drink.
Since I’ve not had a problem with the water or broccoli, I’m going to narrow it down to shrimp and/or asparagus.
So I’ll give the asparagus another whirl, but I’m omitting all shelfish for now.

Needless to say, this is turning into a bit more than a sugar-free/yeast-free diet. It’s now become a full-blown Find The Allergens diet on top of it.

That’s okay though. I like puzzles.

…and I did not get the job.

My first reaction was sadness and panic. But within a few minutes, I realised I was sad because of rejection in general. Nobody likes hearing they’re not wanted.

But when I thought about the job itself, I was relieved to not have gotten it. I mean really, having panic attacks for nearly a week solid over this job? I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Going back to the tech industry is SO not a good idea for me. I’m shellshocked. I’m worn out. Merely looking at the tech section of the job ads puts me into a panic.

Yet, given prodding by a friend, who was I to say no? So I applied. I went through the process.
Now, I can consider it a practice run for other interviews. It’s all good, as they say.